


The Hobbit in Space

by Aloneindarknes7



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, Treasure Planet (2002)
Genre: Alien Technology, Alternate Universe - Pirate, Alternate Universe - Space, Ambiguous Relationships, Bad Flirting, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Cybernetics, Cyborgs, Dwarves In Exile, Dwarves in the Shire, Fights, Flirting, Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Multi, Mutual Masturbation, Not Canon Compliant, Open Relationships, Pirates, Possessive Behavior, Romance, dwarves are dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-16
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-01 13:53:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2775482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aloneindarknes7/pseuds/Aloneindarknes7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Space ships that are shaped like sail boats and travel through the galaxy. Laser guns and electric swords to fight off cybertronic pirates. A mysterious treasure map of a legendary world. Dwarves being really dumb and not listening to good ideas. Bilbo Baggins is in for quite the adventure in space.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written for and inspired by the lovely Pandamani on Tumblr for the Hobbit Reverse Big Bang. [These sketches](http://pandamani.tumblr.com/post/96007549384/ive-been-so-busy-lately-its-a-miracle-i-finished) really inspired me and then the [finished art](http://pandamani.tumblr.com/tagged/the-hobbit-fanart) has made the whole fic an utter delight to work on!

Bag End was a respectable inn on an edge of a cliff on the small planet, The Shire. The Shire was located in a calm area of the galaxy where others usually frequented only when wishing for a relaxing vacation spot or had trading business. Some would make the trip if they had an appetite for the famous dishes the citizens of The Shire made. The small creatures that called the planet home were known as hobbits. 

Hobbits were very polite but mostly liked to keep to themselves, interacting with others only when necessary to complete business. This was why many hobbits considered the owner of Bag End to be a very odd hobbit. Not only did Bilbo Baggins willingly turn his family home into an inn and invite strangers to spend their nights with him there, but he had two dwarf helpers living permanently with him.

Everyone knew of the race of dwarves. They had seven planets simply for their kind only. They had never really traveled far from their planets. Until one of their planets, one of the ones father away from the others called Erebor, went bankrupt.

Erebor had been an industrial planet that had traveled across half the galaxy trading its goods. The planet was rich with gold and work, the people happily ruled over by a royal family. Rumor stated that the nefarious pirate Smaug had targeted Erebor’s ships due to a vendetta against the ruler of Erebor. Slowly, Smaug had robbed them of their riches and slaughtered any dwarf defending the ship’s cargo. He had even gone far enough to plant traps onto the cargo ships and send them back to Erebor only to erupt and take more dwarves’ lives. 

Dori and Ori, the two dwarves working for Bilbo Baggins, were dwarf refugees from the planet Erebor. Once the planet lost most of its wealth, it also lost its population since many feared being attacked by Smaug. No one wanted to risk their lives or their gold trading with Erebor. No one dared to step in and stop Smaug either or else they would risk their own planet becoming targeted by the pirate.

Many dwarves abandoned Erebor in search of work. Dwarves, for as secretive as their race had been, were known to be hard workers and loyal friends. They had also become cheap laborers due to their state of poverty. 

Bilbo thought very highly of Dori and Ori. They had been living in Bag End since Bilbo was a child. Dori had a hand in raising Bilbo alongside Ori, even though Bilbo had matured much quicker than Ori due to the difference in life spans between hobbits and dwarves. 

Once his parents had passed away, Dori and Ori were considered the only close family members he had left. They thought the same, even some times considering that Bilbo almost filled the spot their other brother left behind when he had split from them after leaving Erebor. But they didn’t have time to dwell on the past, not when Bag End was so busy.

“Dori, I need a refill of that elderberry tea at table three.” Bilbo shouted into the kitchen as he pivoted on his bare heel and hurried his hairy feet towards table seven with five plates balanced on his tray. “Ori, seat Mr. Gandalf at his usual table once you’ve finished cleaning that up.” He instructed as he passed by the younger dwarf.

“Right away, Bilbo!” Ori finished mopping under the table and ran to greet the wizard at the door. Gandalf was a frequent visitor and family friend. His usual table was always kept free for him just in case he popped in.

“Here we are!” Bilbo greeted table seven as he began to pass out plates. “Enjoy your second breakfasts and let me know if there’s anything more you need.” He smiled and then grimaced at the pair waiting at the door. 

“Hello, cousin Bilbo.” Lobelia Sackville-Baggins greeted with a smile that held no kindness in it. “Certainly you have a table available for family?” Her husband had his hands stuffed in his pockets and looked exceptionally bored.

“I have tables for customers that pay for their meals in full and don’t leave with their pockets stuffed with my silverware.” Bilbo crossed his arms as Otho guiltily pulled his hands out of his pockets. “I told you last time, Lobelia, that you were not allowed to return until you returned with my silverware.”

“And I told you, Bilbo Baggins, that I was willing to forgive such grievous accusations if you started to give us a family discount.” She matched his crossed arms.  
Bilbo barely resisted rolling his eyes. “If I give out family discounts than half of the population of The Shire would be getting discounts.”

Lobelia shrugged as if ruining Bilbo’s business wasn’t a concern of hers. “You owe us some sort of apology, to accuse your own family of stealing when you have treasure hoarding dwarves living under your roof.” Lobelia’s nose twitched as though she smelled something unpleasant while speaking of dwarves. 

Bilbo clenched his hands into fists at his sides to avoid doing something rash. “I’m sorry to declare we are full for the rest of the day. Many reservations, as you know how it goes at this time of the year. Might I suggest the Green Dragon for a quaint luncheon? Nice seeing you as always, cousins.” Bilbo had the door open and was crowding the other two through it. “Sorry for not being able to accept your business for today.” 

“But there’s an empty table right there!” Lobelia shrieked as Bilbo closed the door and pulled down the blind to declare the inn fully occupied. He would have to remember to lift that and unlock the door once Lobelia had finished pounding at the door and left.

“I see your relations with your relatives have improved.” Gandalf chose as a form of greeting as Bilbo approached his table. Gandalf enjoyed the table next to the windows overlooking the cliff’s edge. It allowed him a spectacular view of the famous party tree of Hobbiton. 

“My relationship with Lobelia will only improve as that old bat gets closer and closer to death.” Bilbo muttered. “No more talk of her; she’s darkened my mood enough for today. Dori should have your usual cooking already. How have you been, Gandalf? More importantly, where have you been this time?”

Gandalf chuckled at the curious look in Bilbo’s eyes. “One of these days I’m going to drop an adventure into your lap and force you to travel with me instead of traveling through me.” 

“You very well know I can’t just close up Bag End and go running off into space.” Bilbo argued even as he watched Gandalf pull out a small orb. He sat it on the table and Bilbo tapped the tip of it. A beautiful waterfall came to life, splashing down onto the table only in sound and image.

“Rivendell,” Bilbo smiled dreamily. “You do visit there quite a bit.”

“I can confidently say that I could escort you to Rivendell and back again safely.” Gandalf assured.

Bilbo hummed as he swiped to the next captured moment of three elves singing under the moonlight. “Perhaps for my next holiday.”

“That’s what you said last time.” Gandalf grumbled as Dori brought out his meal. Bilbo snatched the orb from the table.

“I’ll give this back to you tonight.” Bilbo promised as he stuffed it into his pocket and went back to serving tables. 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

In the afternoon, during the time before supper but after tea, Bilbo liked to visit the marketplace. The marketplace of Hobbiton was always visited by men, dwarves, orcs, ents, trolls, elves, and all other races. Everyone loved to buy freshly baked goods or vegetables grown with care.

Usually Bilbo decided what he was going to have as the supper specialty based off of whatever he found fresh at the market. So far he felt like it would be fish. Yes, a sizzled salmon or tilapia with some herbs rubbed on over the frying pan. Then topped with a squeeze of lemon juice to really make it sizzle with flavor. The inn would smell heavenly after that. Perhaps he might make almond milk cake as a dessert for tonight. Dori always made something sweet but Bilbo had a desire to do some baking of his own.

“Stop that thief!” A voice yelled out, making Bilbo lift his head from the fish stall. He took a step away from the stall so he might catch a glimpse of whoever was yelling. For his curiosity he was bowled over by a short fellow in a long cloak.

“I beg your pardon!” Bilbo looked up into green eyes and a red, three peaked beard as well as three peaks for his hairstyle. Then he noticed the contents of his pockets everywhere. The cloaked figure grabbed something off of the ground and quickly took off without a word to Bilbo.

Bilbo huffed and began to put his coin purse, pipe, Gandalf’s orb, pipe weed bag, and handkerchief back into his pockets. He dusted off his pants and ignored the next three figures running past him in favor of browsing the fish stall again. 

Later that night, Bilbo was sitting on his porch enjoying a pipe with Dori and Gandalf.

“Dishes are finished.” Ori bounced out to join them. “Can we look through Gandalf’s travels now?”

“That sounds like a good way to end the day.” Bilbo agreed taking the orb out of his pocket. He stared at the orb as smoke continued to flow from the bowl of his pipe. “Gandalf,” Bilbo said after a silent moment. “Your orb grew.”

Gandalf hummed, “I don’t recall it being able to do that.”

“But it did.” Bilbo remarked staring at the orb now bigger than his palm.

“Bilbo, my memory orb is not able to change its size.” Gandalf looked over at Bilbo. “That is not my orb.”

“Then why was it in my pocket?” Bilbo stared hard at the orb before his mouth slackened with recognition. “That bloke from the marketplace!” He exclaimed putting his pipe down to hold the orb with two hands.

“What bloke?” Gandalf asked, his curiosity growing as he stared at the unfamiliar orb as though it was a new puzzle to be figured out.

“The one that knocked you over?” Dori asked. He had heard the story while they had both been baking in the kitchen that afternoon. 

“I knew he had grabbed something off the ground but he must have mistaken Gandalf’s orb as his. I’m sorry, Gandalf.” Bilbo apologized for having lost his friend’s orb.

“Do not fret, Bilbo. You enjoyed my memory orb more than me. After all, I enjoyed making the memories but you were only able to enjoy looking through them.” Gandalf remarked.

“Well, maybe we could look through this orb and by seeing the memories captured here we could find the fellow to switch orbs back.” Ori suggested.

Gandalf shook his head. “I’m afraid that plan won’t work, young Ori.”

“Why not?” Ori asked.

“Because that,” Gandalf pointed to the orb in Bilbo’s hands, “is not a memory orb. That is a map.”

“A map?” Bilbo’s face lit up with excitement. He had a large collection of maps in one of the rooms he used as a study. “I’ve never seen a map like this before.”

“That is because it is a map not meant to be read by many. The original owner wanted the path of that map to remain a secret so he set it in a puzzle orb.” Gandalf pointed to the different ridges and buttons on the orb.

“A map and a puzzle; what luck! I do love puzzles as much as maps.” Bilbo declared as he looked the orb over eagerly.

“This particular map looks very intricate and would take years to solve the specific pattern that is the key for unlocking it.” Gandalf blew out a ring of smoke as Bilbo began to turn the orb around in his hands, eyeing it fully. “Perhaps I could take it to Rivendell. Lord Elrond has been known to solve puzzles and could help us decode--”

“Got it!” Bilbo declared after pressing two buttons, turning one ridge, and then squeezing the top half in.

The map came to life in Bilbo’s hands. Light swirled and twisted out of the orb, whizzing before their eyes in a flash of directions before settling into a cluster of shapes that looked like stars and planets.

“That’s The Shire!” Bilbo was amazed to see. “Look, there’s Bree, Fornost, and even Rivendell too!” He reached out to The Shire and touched it. The orb beeped and sparkled, flashing stars and lights once more.  
Bilbo only recognized a few passing planets and the asteroid collection known as the Misty Mountains. Gandalf obviously recognized more.

“There’s Fangorn, Mirkwood, and even the planets of the dwarves.” He observed as the planets formed in light and disappeared before their eyes to recreate the next. “This map has crossed half the galaxy to arrive here from its hidden location.”

“Ered Luin, Moria, and, oh,” Dori exclaimed with wide eyes. “It’s Erebor.” The map lingered on Erebor for a moment before going even farther. “But where is it going? There aren’t many civilized planets past dwarven territory.”

The map went father still until it came to a stop on one planet with two rings crisscrossed over it.

“Where did it stop?” Bilbo asked, not recognizing the planet by any definitions or descriptions.

“Treasure Planet,” Ori mouthed, barely above a gasp.

“It can’t be.” Gandalf’s eyes widened. 

“That’s just a story. Something the dwarves made up. Smaug the Terrible couldn’t really have stolen enough gold to fill a planet.” Dori objected even as he stared unblinkingly at the image of the planet before him.

“That’s Treasure Planet.” Ori stated with conviction in his voice.

“Could someone explain what Treasure Planet is exactly?” Bilbo asked, not understanding the significance.

“Yes, we’ll explain inside.” Gandalf declared as he reached over and squeezed the orb, shutting off the map’s directions. “If this is truly a map to the legendary planet, then we may not want to be discussing such details out in the open.” He cast a glance around the front yard even as he herded the group inside. 

They bypassed the main room where visitors often sat and enjoyed late drinks and tales. Tonight it was empty since the main traveling season had already ended a week ago. Still, Gandalf led them farther into Bag End, choosing the safety of Bilbo’s study to reopen the map and display the image of Treasure Planet.

Bilbo cleared his throat to gather the attention off of the glowing planet and onto him. “So what is the story behind Treasure Planet? I can’t recall ever hearing of it before.” 

“Our Ma used to tell it to Dori and he told it to me when I was younger, before we ever even came to The Shire.” Ori explained with an excited measure to his voice. “Smaug the Terrible was a nefarious pirate of the sky. He used to come upon other ships so fast that they had no chance to even prepare their defenses before he was boarding them. He would overtake a ship, take everything on it, including everyone’s lives, and then set the ship sailing back home, rigged to explode upon entry. He was ruthless and he destroyed Erebor’s economy.” Ori’s voice had gotten low and hard. “But Ma believed in Treasure Planet, right, Dori?”

Dori nodded. “Ma and many other dwarves used to believe that Smaug had just one planet where he stashed all of his stolen loot. Not just what he had stolen from the dwarves of Erebor, but also what he had taken from elves, men, and even orcs.” 

“And what was Smaug the Terrible? To have stolen from so many different races, where did he come from?” Bilbo asked.

“No one knows, not for certain.” Dori shook his head.

“Rumor is that he was a dragon!” Ori’s hands wrung into the end of his long shirt. “That was why he had enough years to gather enough wealth to fill a planet.” 

“But that’s just a rumor, just as Treasure Planet is. Any sensible being would have split their loot onto multiple planets throughout the galaxy.” Dori dismissed. 

“It is a very well-known rumor though and it has passed throughout different races, not only amongst the dwarves.” Gandalf inputted before motioning to the map. “I do believe this map is proof that those rumors are actually true.” He smiled as he stood, closing the orb once again before tossing it and catching it in his other hand. “And I for one intend to follow this map and see the very truth for myself.”

“You really mean it, Gandalf? You’re going to go explore space to find Treasure Planet?” Ori’s eyes were wide with delight.

“I know just the ship to hire, although I do believe it’s currently in need of staffing a new crew but that shouldn’t be any trouble. Yes,” Gandalf looked at the map with a grin. “I do believe we could leave for this adventure tomorrow.”

“We?” Bilbo spluttered and shook his head. “Gandalf, I was considering, only considering traveling with you to Rivendell. That’s only two planets away. But to traverse half the galaxy for a myth of a planet? I mean, who’s to say that map isn’t some hoax?” 

“I am to say that we won’t find out unless we follow it.” Gandalf smiled. “And this, Bilbo Baggins, is the adventure that has finally fallen into your lap.” 

“No, it fell on the ground and I put it in my pocket for a while. I can safely say it has never been in my lap and I have no interest of having it in my lap.” Bilbo shook his head. “Feel free to have it fall into your lap, Gandalf.” 

“But this could be the answer to Erebor’s problems.” Bilbo had never heard Ori sound so downhearted. “Shouldn’t we at least try? We owe it to all other dwarves to at least try, don’t we? Imagine all the good we could do if we did find the stolen gold.” 

“Ori,” Dori sighed. “Bilbo’s right; this could be all for nothing.” 

“Then what’s the worst that could happen? We travel across the galaxy, see amazing sights we’ve never experience before, find out there’s no Treasure Planet, then come back to The Shire and continue on.” Ori crossed his arms over his chest. “I think we--”

A loud shattering clash of glass caused Ori to cut off his sentence. Everyone stared at each other for a moment before Bilbo rushed out of the room. “I hope that wasn’t his mother’s good West Farthing china.” Dori muttered as he followed after Bilbo.

Bilbo was frozen in the hallway entrance as he peered out at the main room. Instead of any vaguely familiar face, there was a group of six strangers gathered around a table close to the fire. Not even regular types of strangers, but dwarves. 

Six very loud, and seemingly destructive, dwarves were throwing dishes of food and tossing mugs of ale from one another as they stomped their boots and sang some inane song. Bilbo was struck with confusion and a bit of fear. The only dwarves he had ever known were Dori and Ori but he knew they weren’t considered regular dwarves. For one thing, Bilbo didn’t think either of them would be capable of causing such a ruckus in another’s home. They were raised with hobbit manners.

“Stop, stop, what are you doing?” Bilbo finally snapped back to himself and ran in the middle of the chaotic scene, reaching out to try and grab one of the flying dishes only to end up knocking it up higher and a dwarf with a braided, blonde mustache snatching it out of the air. 

“Well, we were asking around in the marketplace for a wonderful place to share a drink at night.” The blonde dwarf grinned.

“We were directed here but we didn’t see anyone around to take our orders or seat us.” The dark haired dwarf that came up on Bilbo’s other side continued. Bilbo looked at this dwarf only long enough to notice his rather bare cheeks which meant he was dealing with a dwarf younger than Ori.

“So we helped ourselves.” A dwarf wearing the most ridiculous hat with large flaps grinned widely at Bilbo as he held up two mugs filled with beer.

“I was in a business meeting. I’ve finished now and would be more than happy to serve you if you’d only take a seat. Are you spending the night? I’ve still got a few spare rooms.” Bilbo eyed the group of dwarves cautiously even as he spoke automatically.

“A night here would be nice.” The younger dwarf was grinning now.

“Afraid we’ll just be here for the drinks and hopefully your lovely company, Master Hobbit.” The dark haired dwarf wrapped an arm around Bilbo’s shoulder. His dark mustache was braided on both sides of his mouth like the blonde but it was long enough to braid down into his beard, ending as one long strand. 

“Yes, well, Dori!” Bilbo quickly called out in a desperate moment of panic. He moved out from the dwarf’s arm and turned to his familiar dwarf. “Would you mind taking their orders while I go heat up the stove in the kitchen just in case our new guests require some food?”

Dori was already eyeing the dwarves with an unimpressed expression on his face which varied greatly from Ori’s wide-eyed wondrous stare. “Of course, Bilbo. Ori, go and uncork another barrel.” 

Ori nodded and followed Bilbo towards the kitchen, passing by the group of dwarves as they settled at a table close to the roaring fire. The blonde dwarf whistled at Ori, sending him into the kitchen with a pleased blush on his cheeks.

Dori smacked his hands down onto the table. “While my baby brother is helping Master Baggins,” Dori began through clenched teeth as he instilled terror into the blonde dwarf, “I will be taking your orders. Are you only here to wet your whistles or will you be requiring something more substantial for your guts?” 

The dwarves ordered plenty and Dori rushed into the kitchen, dragging Ori back in with the pretense of needing his help with the large order. Bilbo, however, was sent out with refilled mugs to occupy the dwarves while they waited for their food.

He looked over the group. Only one was blonde, three had dark hair even though they were different in shades, and then the last two had red hair. Or at least he assumed the dwarf still wearing his hood had red hair since he could only see his red beard. The unhooded red head had a much brighter red in his fluffy beard though. Bilbo had to remember to ask Dori if calling a beard fluffy would be an insult or a compliment.

“Here you are, good dwarves.” Bilbo began to pass the mugs around as he set them on the table. 

“Thank you, good hobbit.” The older dwarf without the hat wrapped an arm around Bilbo’s waist and pulled him flush against his side. Bilbo squealed and tried to pry the hand off of his hip with little success. “Now, I’m afraid I must ask what a gentlehobbit such as yourself is doing in the company of dwarves? I had heard that hobbits stick to their own race. Are you and the silvered dwarf a couple that adopted the little one?”

Bilbo found himself laughing at the suggestion. “Dori is practically a big brother to me. They’re both the closest thing I have to a real family around here so they help me run my family’s inn.” He watched how the hooded dwarf froze while lighting a pipe and Bilbo assured, “This is a smoke friendly place.” 

The hooded dwarf seemed to shake himself into moving only he placed his pipe away and stood. “The privy is down the hall, right?” He didn’t wait for Bilbo before he moved down the hallway.

“Wait, it’s actually the next hallway, oh bother.” Bilbo realized the dwarf didn’t hear him. He would figure it out after discovering no bathroom down that hallway.

“Ah, that’s reassuring to hear that you’re not a couple.” The dwarf grinned as he took a large chug of his ale while still keeping Bilbo pressed into his side despite the hobbit’s struggles. Bilbo wondered how long Dori and Ori would be in the kitchen. He also wondered where the rest of his guests had run off to.

“So, if you’re single,” the dwarf holding him suddenly pulled Bilbo onto his lap. “What kind of service do you provide in this inn of yours?” The dwarf waggled his eyebrows and Bilbo felt his face go as red as one of his prize winning tomatoes.

The other dwarves at the table jeered and pounded their mugs on the table, sloshing ale around without a care. Bilbo wiggled and tugged at the arm holding him onto the dwarf’s lap until he could finally get his feet back on the ground and move away from the dwarf. 

“This is not that kind of inn! Nor will you find such an inn on this planet.” Bilbo stomped a foot to the ground. “Now if you don’t keep your hands off of me and my staff you will find yourself thrown out.” He emphasized this with a motion towards his door.

“Those sound like fighting words to me.” The brighter red haired dwarf pushed himself up by placing both hands on the table. He was quite broad in the shoulders.

“Whoa now, cousin,” the almost beardless dwarf placed a hand comfortingly on his shoulder. “You know how my uncle gets around a pretty face. Uncle, you should apologize to the little hobbit. We don’t want to be making a big scene.” He winked at the dwarf and the blonde dwarf elbowed him in the stomach before pulling his head in close to whisper something into his ear. “Well he doesn’t know that!” Once again this younger dwarf received a smack to his gut and retaliated by smacking the blonde’s shoulder.

“My little nephew is right though,” The dwarf that had manhandled Bilbo stood up and bowed lowly at his waist. “I’m at your service for my behavior, master hobbit.”

“Well, that’s quite alright.” Bilbo adjusted his vest and rocked back onto his heels before offering a small smile. “Although, I’m certain that normally dwarves give their names when they offer their services.” He looked around the group. “I’m not sure that I’ve caught any of your names, but then again, I’ve yet to properly give you mine. I’m Bilbo Baggins, master of Bag End.” He bowed back to the dwarf.

“Pleased to meet you,” the one dwarf with the ridiculous flapping hat stood up and grabbed Bilbo’s hands to shake them both between his meaty ones. “Bilbo Baggins, now, that’s a mighty strong name for a little hobbit. We haven’t been too properly introduced to many of you hobbits now but I must say that’s a proper name.”

The dwarf was still shaking his hand and rambling on about Bilbo’s name when Bilbo saw the hooded dwarf come running through the hallway. His hood was down and he looked panicked. Bilbo looked over the hatted dwarf’s shoulder to really get a look at him. He instantly recognized that it was the same dwarf that had run him down in the marketplace, unless such a peaked hairstyle was a popular look for dwarves.

“Hey, you--” Was all Bilbo got out before he was suddenly pushed over from behind. Bilbo threw his hands out before he crashed to the floor. The dwarves were suddenly leaping over the table and his prone form to rush towards the door.

“Bollocks, I knew this plan wasn’t going to work!” One screamed as they rushed out.

Gandalf came running from the hallway, his staff glowing ominously. At seeing the last dwarf run out the doorway, the staff stopped glowing. “Bilbo, my dear friend, have you been harmed?” He asked as he rushed over to help Bilbo stand. 

“No, no, I’m alright. What was that all about?” Bilbo offered Gandalf a shaky smile as he began to brush himself off. His palms were stinging but not bleeding.

“What was all that ruckus?” Dori emerged from the kitchen, balancing four plates. Ori peeked around him with two plates in his hands.

“We had a dine and dash.” Bilbo scowled.

“But they didn’t dine.” Ori held up the plates in his hands. “They barely drank more than a few coins worth of ale either.”

“But one of them tried to steal the map.” Gandalf brandished the map from his sleeve. “I do believe the one was meant to sneak around and find it while the others provided distractions.”

“That one with the tall hair was the same dwarf that ran into me from the marketplace. The map does rightfully belong to him since I had been mistaken when I took the map.” Bilbo argued.

“Ah, but if it was rightfully his then he would have asked for it back and not tried to take it by force. He was trying to steal it from you which makes me believe that the map was stolen to begin with.” Gandalf concluded. “This is exactly why we need to head out tomorrow morning or else they will come back and try to take the map by force.”

“We’re leaving tomorrow for Treasure Planet?” Ori’s eyes were wide as he placed the forgotten plates on the table and turned excitedly to Dori. “Oh, Dori, please, we have to try!”

Dori’s lips were pursed in a manner that told Bilbo he was about to argue against something that he actually agreed with. It was the face Dori usually made when Ori complained about green vegetables tasting horrible. Dori would have to list the reasons why vegetables were so healthy even though he often snuck half of his own serving into a napkin. 

“You both should go with Gandalf.” Bilbo interrupted before Dori could begin. “You’ve traveled through space before so it wouldn’t be too horribly new for you. Plus, it’s your race’s gold, you should try to earn it back.”

“But what about you and Bag End?” Dori frowned.

“The tourist season is over now. I’ll be able to handle the place on my own. Besides, I can always hire one of my little cousins to come help me if I really need to.” Bilbo reassured.

“Won’t you come with us though?” Ori pressed his hands together and pleaded. “It won’t be the same without you along with us, Bilbo.” 

Gandalf opened his mouth but Bilbo cut him off with a gesture of his hands crossing over his body to form a large ‘x.’ “No, no, I have never traveled before and I will be needed here. I can’t just go running off, but I can wish you guys luck. That’s my decision and it’s final.” Bilbo declared. “Now, go pack your bags while I sort out what to do with these dishes.”

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The morning had been rough, saying goodbye to Dori and Ori took a while and Bilbo watched them walk as far away as he could before they had gone too far to watch. Gandalf had insisted on an early start so there weren’t any customers yet. With nothing to do, Bilbo went into his study. 

He sat in front of his desk and looked around the room at the books and maps filling the bookshelves. He looked outside his window at the last twinkling stars before the sun came to chase them away. He grabbed his journal and stood up.

Rushing upstairs, he quickly threw clothes into a bag. He grabbed random items off of his bedside table. He stuffed his back full and then shrunk it to fit into his pocket as he ran for the door. 

He grabbed the key and ran down the path, stopping at the first house where his neighbor Hamfast stood, already starting to work on his garden. Bilbo handed him the key and gave some hurried directions before running off after Gandalf and the others.

Apparently he hadn’t needed to run very far because they had stopped and were waiting for him when he finally caught sight of them again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much character introductions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please keep in mind that this story does change some past events that shaped the characters. For one thing, Thorin didn't have to go into a war when he was young and watch his brother and grandfather die as his father disappeared forever. I mean, Thror is dead in this story and Thrain has disappeared, but Frerin is still here and whole!

“Here we are,” Gandalf declared with a wave of his hand to a large ship hovering over the dock. It was slowly being loaded with supplies by some large dwarves that Bilbo stared at nervously. The trip from The Shire to the transportation planet on Gandalf’s small but quick ship, Shadowfax, had been a terrifying experience for Bilbo. He was already regretting his rash decision to join along on this adventure.

The ship read Tolkien on the side in glowing, shimmering letters. It was a lot larger than Gandalf’s private ship and Gandalf had insisted it would be much smoother too. It still looked quite similar to any sail boat Bilbo saw young hobbits play with and send across rivers. He knew that the technology was far more advanced than its simple appearance but that didn’t help his nerves as he looked at the ship. 

Bilbo hoped he would be settled on this ship since the trip would take a few months there and back. He wondered if it was too late to turn around and find someone to return him to The Shire. 

“The captain and first mate come with the ship you see,” Gandalf was explaining to Ori although Bilbo had missed Ori’s original question due to a rather familiar looking brunet dwarf that had caught his attention. “They usually have their own particular group of crewmen but unfortunately their crew was mostly injured in their last journey. They had agreed to work with a crew if I could find one to take on this particular journey. Luckily, there are many dwarf crews available but it was rather difficult to find one that was willing to work for our captain.” 

Gandalf was leading them onto the ship as he talked. “Why’s that?” Ori asked. Bilbo was looking around the ship. It was indeed much larger than Gandalf’s. The sails were bigger than some houses. The pillars looked like they could breach the sky with ease. 

“Well, the crew is made up of dwarves but our captain is an elf.” Gandalf smiled as he looked up. “Ah, here they are now.” Two elves descended from the upper deck. 

Both were dressed similarly in brown trousers and green jackets. They were both tall and stunning in their beauty. At first glance, Bilbo thought the only difference was that one had blonde hair and the other was a red head. But as the elves walked closer he could see that their facial structures were completely different and that they were opposite genders.

“Captain Tauriel and First Mate Legolas,” Gandalf bowed and offered his hand to the red head. “Thank you again for accepting my request to partake in this journey.”

“We are both very interested in this map you spoke of.” Captain Tauriel smiled and shook Gandalf’s hand.

“Even if it means we must work with dwarves,” Legolas cast his eyes around the crew as they continued to load supplies onto the ship. Dori cleared his throat pointedly as he glared at Legolas. Legolas lifted one brow as he stared down at Dori. “Forgive me. At first glance you all looked to be gentle, mannered hobbits. I can see now you’re dwarves in hobbit clothes. I won’t mistake you for the kind race of hobbits again.” Legolas stopped away from them and then climbed up the main mast in an elegant display of grace.

“Show off,” one of the dwarves muttered. Bilbo chuckled as he turned and stared with wide eyes at the red haired dwarf with the fuzzy beard that had wanted to start a fight with him the night before.

“It’s you!” Bilbo pointed at him.

“No it’s not.” The dwarf disagreed.

“Yes, it is.” Bilbo huffed. “You were at my inn last night with the other dwarves. You were all quite rude and you ran out when your friend wasn’t able to steal my map!”

“What map?” The dwarf smiled but Bilbo didn’t catch the expression.

“Stop lying, I know it was you. You were after this map that, Gandalf, where are we going?” Bilbo cut himself off as he found himself being dragged away by his old friend.

“You foolish Took, I need you to keep a calm Baggins’ mind while we travel!” Gandalf yelled once they were all in a secured room. Judging by the maps, desk, and the fact that Captain Tauriel had pulled out a key to lock them in, Bilbo determined himself to be standing in the Captain’s quarters. 

“That dwarf is from the group last night. I bet his thieving friend is here as well.” Bilbo complained. 

“Yes, the entire group from last night and then some are aboard this ship now.” Gandalf confirmed. “I should know, I hired them on purpose.”

“Why would you hire a bunch of ruffians like that?” Dori asked, taken aback by Gandalf’s confession.

“Because we know that they were after the map and that they knew we had the map. If I didn’t hire them, they would have followed after us to pursue the map and the final destination. Having them aboard and working for us ensures that they will see us safely to the destination since it is their goal as well as ours.” Gandalf explained with a smile. “Plus, they were very cheap to hire.”

“But what happens once we reach the destination and they try to hurt us or something?” Ori was rightfully concerned.

“Then this happens,” Tauriel opened a large chest that Bilbo had hoped contained books only to show a large display of weapons. She patted the top of the chest happily. “There are only fifteen of them.” 

“Fifteen fighters are a lot more than we have.” Dori began. “Considering Ori and Bilbo don’t fight.”

“I can fight.” Ori protested but Dori glared at him and he turned his face to investigate a loose thread on his gloves. 

“But we have an advantage over them.” Gandalf proclaimed and placed a hand on Bilbo’s shoulder. “If we charm them into liking and trusting us, then we can solve our problems without any need for a dispute. And what better way to charm someone than with our charming Bilbo Baggins?”

“Me?” Bilbo felt his mind boggle with the very thought. “You want me to charm some disreputable dwarves?”

“You looked to be doing pretty well last night.” Gandalf commented slyly. 

Bilbo felt a blush crawling over his face. “Yes, well, I suppose I can try to make nice with them.”

“Probably shouldn’t accuse them of attempted robbery,” Ori suggested.

Bilbo’s eyes narrowed. “You should probably assist me in charming them. You both should; you are dwarves yourself you know, it only makes sense.”

“That’s a grand idea.” Gandalf clapped the bottom of his staff against the floor. “Then it’s settled, Dori, Ori, and Bilbo will assist the crew to bond with them. I will keep hold of the map and assist Captain Tauriel and Legolas in navigation.” 

With that apparently decided by the power that is Gandalf’s word, they were unceremoniously tossed out of the captain’s quarters so that Gandalf and Tauriel could talk. They were also left with the instructions to introduce themselves to the crew. Seeing how most of the crew were on the ship and finished loading it, they slowly made their way to the first dwarf.

When they were halfway across the dock, the dwarf turned around and Bilbo grabbed Dori to make him stop his approach. “A different dwarf, let’s start with a different dwarf.” Bilbo decided.

Dori frowned. “What’s wrong with this fellow? He wasn’t part of the rowdy bunch from the other night.” 

“He’s got a robotic arm.” Bilbo protested.

“What’s wrong with that?” Ori asked. “That dwarf has a robotic eye.” He pointed at a large dwarf with hair only on the sides of his head and his face. The top was covered with tattoos instead and he indeed had a robotic left eye that was currently locked on their group. “That one has a, oh my, is half of his face robotic?” Ori asked curiously as he pointed to another dwarf.

“Stop pointing,” Dori grabbed Ori’s arm and forced it down to his side. “It’s rude. Now, come on, let’s go introduce ourselves. Robotic parts or not, they’re still dwarves.” 

Dori, taking ahold of Bilbo and Ori, marched up to the dwarf with the robotic eye and the dwarf with the robotic arm that had started to chat with each other. “Master dwarves,” Dori smiled charmingly. “I am Dori and this is my brother Ori, sons of Kori.” Dori bowed and Ori belatedly followed the bow, tacking on “at your service.” 

Noticing that Dori wasn’t going to introduce him, Bilbo bowed then stated. “And I am Bilbo Baggins, at your service.” 

The dwarf with the robotic arm looked Bilbo up and down. “You’re meant to bow after you give your name, hobbit.” 

Bilbo pursed his lips together. He knew what the proper dwarf etiquette was, Dori had ensured that. But he had been flustered. Still, it wasn’t as though this dwarf was high society. “And you’re meant to give your own name.” Bilbo placed his hands on his hips and stared at the dwarf pointedly.

An amused smile crossed the dwarf’s face before he bowed his head. “I am Thorin, called Oakenshield.”

“And I am Dwalin, son of Fundin.” The dwarf with the robotic eye stated. “At your service.” His robotic eye rattled as it expanded slightly. Bilbo took a panicked step back as the eye looked him over. “Venturing into space without any weapons? Not very clever of you.” 

“Brother, we are meant to be their weapons. It is why we were hired.” A short dwarf came forward, a clanking heard with each step. Bilbo’s eyes went down to the dwarf’s boots to see that he only had one boot on. The other foot was a robotic piece that folded like an accordion at what otherwise would have been a knee.

“I am Balin, son of Fundin,” he introduced himself. “And I am at your service,” he bowed and straightened with a grin and a wink at Dori. “Especially your service.” 

Dori crossed his arms in front of his chest but his face did turn crimson. “That’s a very kind offer, but I can ensure all of you that we will be fine as we travel into space, especially considering that I don’t need to rely on a weapon for protection.” 

“Oh really?” Dwalin’s tone of voice was mocking. 

Picking up a spare board from the pile of wood Thorin was leaning against, Dori easily snapped it in half, then again in half, and then crushed the pieces into sawdust. “Really,” he deadpanned to a long, impressed whistle from Balin. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have many more dwarves to greet.” 

Dori began walking away with his head up high and Bilbo hurried to follow after him. Ori was saying a polite goodbye before he ran to catch up. They next ran into a large group of dwarves in the lower part of the ship that served as the kitchen. 

They met the chef, Bombur and his cousin Bifur, who indeed had part of his upper face replaced with robotics. They also found a dwarf named Gloin, that looked strikingly similar to the other red bearded dwarf that Bilbo had seen earlier. Gloin’s wife Kimli, who had an impressively thick beard, and his brother, Oin, that would be acting as the ship’s medic were also there although they seemed more interested in an argument they were having with one another than proper introductions.

After having a delightful chat and a bowl of soup with Bombur, they moved back up to the deck. They didn’t get far before Captain Tauriel burst out of her quarters and began shouting commands. “Let’s get this ship going! Hoist the sails, man the engines, and get to your stations!” 

“You mean dwarf the engines!” One dwarf called from his high perch above the sails. Tauriel didn’t seem amused even though the other dwarves laughed. 

“This is going to be a longer journey than I thought.” Tauriel mumbled.

Bilbo, Dori, and Ori tried their best to stand out of the way as dwarves began running around doing this and that. It all seemed like an organized sort of chaos. Bilbo thought that he was beginning to understand how gears in a clock worked. It looked like a complicated mess, but everything was running smoothly and getting their job done in order to continue on. 

It was a beautiful combination of motion and skill. The dwarves climbed, untied, released, strapped, and did it all while tossing jokes to one another while Tauriel stood below them and shouted up orders. 

“It’s impressive, isn’t it?” Someone asked Bilbo as he continued to look around.

“Yeah,” the word came out like a choke and Bilbo realized with some embarrassment that he had been staring with his mouth open the whole time. He licked his lips and wet his mouth before he turned to the one who addressed him. “It’s all very impressive and hey!” Bilbo glared at the dwarf that had been hitting on him the night before.

The dwarf’s smile only seemed to widen. “Ah, so you remember me.”

“Yes,” Bilbo took a step closer to Dori which happened to put him a step farther and out of the dwarf’s arm space. 

“Then I can properly introduce myself now. I am Frerin, brother of Thorin Oakenshield.” He bowed at his waist. “I truly am sorry about how last night ended. The lads and I meant no harm. Well, Gimli meant a bit of harm, but his fiery temper is just a put on for strangers. Once he gets to know someone he’s a grand pal. Don’t you think, Myrtle?”

Bilbo turned to follow Frerin’s gaze and jumped back at seeing a small, angry Gimli floating next to his head. “A grand pal, a grand pal.” The little red haired, fuzzy dwarf chirped before spinning around and turning into a pink blob. The blob floated over to Frerin and he chuckled as it nestled against his cheek.

“This is my family’s pet, Myrtle the morph.” Frerin introduced. “Myrtle does great impressions.” 

“I’ve read about morphs before. They’re pretty rare in our part of the galaxy.” Ori mentioned.

Frerin shrugged a shoulder. “There was a colony of them when me and the fellows were on an adventure a few ships ago. Myrtle became attached and decided to come with us.” 

“Frerin, stop flirting and get back to the stern deck!” Thorin roared making Bilbo jump at the suddenness. 

“Aye, aye, Oakenshield!” Frerin mock saluted and then winked at Bilbo. “Big brothers are such cock blocks, eh?” He jogged over to the steps and went to assist Legolas who was already at the steering wheel. 

The ship began to rise higher and Tauriel walked over to their group. “I suggest you hold on for this part.” Bilbo noticed that most of the other dwarves had finished what they were assigned to do and were gripping onto something that was attached to the ship. 

He held onto the edge of the ship and felt Ori being pressed against him as Dori crowded both of them within his arms as he gripped the ship as well. When the ship had raised high enough, they jolted forward and the force sent them back. Luckily Dori was wrapped around them or else Bilbo felt as though he would have flown off of the ship completely.

Once the ship evened out, they continued to make their introductions, including the group that had been at Bag End the night before. Bilbo wasn’t sure how he felt about Nori and Gimli, but Bofur seemed like a genuinely nice dwarf, especially if he was related to Bombur who had been very kind. Bilbo didn’t even have to ask Dori how he felt about Fili although he felt like Kili was going to be the more troublesome of the two. After meeting their mother, he did wonder about something.

“Forgive me for asking, Dis, but is your husband also on this ship?” Bilbo asked. Fili and Kili instantly stopped the little shoving contest they had started to stare at Bilbo with wide eyes. Dis hadn’t changed her polite smile. “I only ask because Gloin and Kimli are both traveling with their son and I wondered if this was perhaps a family profession but I’m really not sure and just rambling now.” Bilbo felt his cheeks heat.

“My husband passed long ago, Mister Bilbo. Although he was an adventurer, he traveled without any of his family and perhaps that was why he had no one to pay extra attention to his back.” Dis stated and then turned on her flat boots and patted her sons before she strode towards Thorin. 

“I didn’t mean to bring up any terrible memories.” Bilbo apologized to Fili and Kili.

“Ma’s tough, she’ll be okay as long as you don’t mention dad anymore.” Kili clapped Bilbo on the shoulder. 

“And we won’t bring this up again if you just forget about that incident in your inn.” Fili winked. 

“I’m not quite sure what you mean, Fili, after I, I was only introduced to you and the others today.” Bilbo smiled. 

“That’s the talk of an adventurer, Mister Baggins!” Kili clapped Bilbo again only he had done it much harder and sent Bilbo sprawling. “Sorry,” Kili was quick to tug Bilbo back onto his feet. Even with some pain in his knees, Bilbo felt as though his adventure was off to a rather well start.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“He knows we were after the map.” Frerin’s voice was low as he looked over his shoulder at his nephews and the others talking. “There’s no way they aren’t prepared for us.”

“But they didn’t know who they were hiring last night. The wizard went to Thorin and he wasn’t at the hobbit’s inn.” Dis argued.

“Besides, if things do get messy, it’s fifteen against six. Possibly five if we take down one of the elves earlier than planned.” Dwalin suggested with a gruff grin. “Just give us the word and those elves will be gone in a moment.”

“Those elves are so far the only ones not suspicious of us.” Dis pointed out. “And the one is coming right towards us now.”

They all turned to watch Legolas approach. “Is it a common occurrence for dwarves to replace body parts with such metal ornaments?” He asked, looking critically at Dwalin and Thorin. “Only, there are rumors about cybernetic, dwarf pirates that have been attacking elfish ships as of late.” The statement was delivered dryly but his eyes held all the accusation he had left out of his voice. 

“Well, then it sounds like we’re in luck not having too many elves on this ship then, in case one of those pirate groups tries to foolishly attack us.” Frerin grinned widely. “We were just discussing something and perhaps you could help us figure out if elfish women are stronger than elvish men due to being a woman or because they’re simply more skilled? Dis here, well, she’s one of our strongest because our women are naturally that way.” Dis’ smile was full of teeth. “Or should we wait to ask an elvish man that question because you might give a biased answer?”

Legolas glared. “I am a male and I know you knew that already, if anything of your comments on the stern deck before would have indicated.” 

“Ah, that was just a lucky guess and since you didn’t comment I thought I had insulted you by guessing wrong. Glad to hear that I was right the first time.” Frerin reached up to twirl his fingers under Myrtle. “The offer is still open, by the way.” He winked and Legolas curled his lips as he stomped angrily away.

“I thought elves were light on their feet!” Dwalin called after him.

“So much for the elves not being suspicious of us.” Dis muttered.

“Let them be suspicious, let them be distrustful. It matters not because we are already here and already on course. This is our destiny and nothing will stand in our way. The plan remains the same, even if it was sixty against us instead of six.” Thorin whispered urgently. “We will be triumphant, we can’t afford otherwise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw BotFA. I'm not satisfied with how it went. There were a lot of characters that deserved more screen time. There were a lot of characters that deserved less screen time. There were a lot of things that needed to be resolved and weren't, like, at all which is terrible since this was the ending. But that's fine because that is why we have fanfiction to correct what films were lacking.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter to get us moving through the beginning developments of a few relationships and also to ensure everyone that Gandalf knows far more than he's letting on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that I changed the rating to mature because there will be sex scenes in this story. Not all of them greatly detailed, but they'll be there.

They had been sailing for a little over a week already. They had passed by planets and gone through different galaxies as they traversed the multitude of glimmering colors and shinning space. Bilbo took it all in as much as he could and still felt as though he wasn’t seeing enough. He cursed himself as a fool for never going on an adventure beforehand. He was enjoying himself immensely and found that he wasn’t homesick as he had feared. 

The crew was rather fun and kind to be around as well, despite their more obnoxious and mischievious traits. They were certainly different from the groups of travelers and hobbits he usually had frequenting Bag End. Bilbo had figured out early on that even though Dori and Ori seemed to be welcomed by all of the crewmembers, that didn’t mean he was. That was fine though. Legolas liked Bilbo more than Dori and Ori so it was no different from Thorin liking the dwarf brothers more than him. 

He also learned that he should only approach some of the rougher dwarves when the work of the day was finished and they were in their cups. Once Dwalin had a bit of ale in him, his glares weren’t as narrowed and Bilbo felt as though his passing greetings wouldn't earn him a punch to his face. 

Bilbo tried to stick close to a few of the friendlier dwarves. Bofur, Frerin, and the brothers Fili and Kili sought Bilbo out and invited him to join their games when they had the time. Frerin and Bofur tended to get a little handsy with Bilbo after a few mugs of ale so he had learned to sit between the brothers, even if that then put him at risk once they started an old argument. He would still have great fun with them and was beginning to consider the group as his friends. They would play card games, word games, drinking games, and a delightfully fun game involving Myrtle’s imitating skills to see if they could get the morph to transform into who they were thinking of with the fewest hints. 

Bilbo was enjoying himself immensely, even as he tried to avoid the growing tensions around him. He tried not to make eye contact with Thorin which was rather difficult considering that _Tolkien_ wasn’t the largest ship and didn’t allow too much personal space. Bilbo found it was easier to pretend not to notice Fili’s attempts to flirt with Ori so that Dori wouldn’t question him later about it. He also tried to divert Dori's attention by asking him how Balin was doing. It was rather fun to watch Dori become flustered and deny everything. It was also getting easier not to laugh at Kili’s awful discretion of needing to talk to Bilbo every time Tauriel stopped to talk with the hobbit. Kili had not inherited his Uncle Frerin's smooth flirtation skills.

Earlier that day, Bilbo had been discussing with Tauriel the current alignment of stars they were passing when Kili had called out Bilbo’s name and run over. Fili had shaken his head but left the deck to continue on with whatever they had been previously doing. 

“Ah, Bilbo, there’s my favorite hobbit! I’ve been looking for you. I had something I’ve been meaning to ask you.” Kili clapped Bilbo on the shoulder, a gesture that had become a habit of greeting much to Bilbo’s bruising arm. “I see you’ve managed to get our lovely captain out of her hiding spots. My Captain Tauriel,” Kili bowed lowly with a sweeping arm. “How are you on this fine day for spacing?” 

Tauriel smiled the same smile she always had on her face when Kili spoke with her. Bilbo couldn’t tell if there was anything beyond amusement and daring in her look since he didn’t know Tauriel all that well yet. “I am fine, Kili, as I was yesterday and the day before that. Although you always seem to be filled with questions for Mister Baggins, you only have the same one for me every time we speak.”

Kili stared at her with his mouth slightly agape. “I could have different questions for you if you liked. I just didn’t want to waste your time. My Uncle always speaks of how busy captains are so I didn’t want to bother you too much with my silly questions. I figured Uncle Thorin would know considering he’s a captain and all.”

“He’s a captain?” Tauriel asked, her eyebrow rising and changing the amusement to curiosity.

“Was, yes, he was a captain. 'He’s' is an abbreviation for he was, right, Mister Bilbo?” Kili asked, his face burning red.

Bilbo snickered before shaking his head. “I’m afraid not, Kili, 'he’s' stands for he is.” 

“Oh, well, thank you for clearing that up for me.” Kili nodded his head and fled from the pair back to where Fili was checking on the life lines in case they were ever needed. 

Bilbo chuckled at the memory of the event as he puffed on his pipe, his elbows on the railing of the ship as he stared into the everlasting view of stars. It had been a tad disconcerting not having a constant feel of time without a sun and moon rotating around the ship to indicate a day. Space travel didn’t take place during night or day. It just happened when it happened depending on how you judged every hour.

“And what has you in such a merry mood, my dear Bilbo?” Gandalf asked as he came up beside the hobbit. He pulled out his own pipe from his large sleeve. Ori had once whispered to Bilbo about how he suspected that Gandalf hid all of his secrets up his sleeves and that was why the wizard was so wise and filled with wonder.

“This adventure has been very good for me, Gandalf.” Bilbo admitted as he watched Gandalf light his pipe without any source of fire other than his hands. “I hate to admit that you were right, but you certainly were, this time.” 

Gandalf smiled as he took his first deep puff from his pipe. “I am glad to see you enjoying yourself, my friend.” The smoke released from the corners of Gandalf’s mouth as he spoke, almost making him look like a dragon preparing for an attack. “To be honest with you,” Gandalf leaned to the side closer to Bilbo. “I was a bit concerned how this adventure would go with having dwarves and elves all aboard one vessel. Too much animosity and too little space for them to get away from one another.”

Bilbo nodded and made a humming noise that vaguely meant agreement of some degree. The first few days had been very tense whenever Legolas had entered the galley for food while dwarves were there. Bilbo thought it was ridiculous considering that Legolas was higher ranked than all the dwarves and also that the cook was a dwarf and Legolas wouldn’t be able to visit the galley without encountering at least one dwarf. 

Luckily, Legolas had only grabbed food for himself and the captain before retreating to eat elsewhere. Some of the dwarves had muttered about elves thinking they were too good to eat alongside dwarves. Bilbo rather thought Legolas simply wanted to eat without the threat of a brawl but he kept his mouth busy with food rather than voicing his opinions. Tauriel never seemed to have too many conflicts with the dwarves. They muttered under their breath at her as well, but still did as they were ordered. She also seemed much more tolerable of them and actually engaged in polite conversation when given the chance. 

Most of the dwarves were able to ignore Legolas or follow his orders without acknowledging him. As far as Bilbo knew, only Tauriel and Frerin worked alongside Legolas which he thought was a wise choice considering Frerin was one of the friendlier dwarves. It baffled Bilbo how completely opposite Frerin was from his brother Thorin. He supposed Thorin must have taken all the broody genetics from their mother and left only pleasantness for his brother and sister. 

Bilbo didn’t understand a lot about the dwarves but Frerin and Bofur had been kind enough to explain that they went by an age and ability hierarchical status amongst themselves. For some reason, Thorin was the dwarven leader followed then by Balin, Frerin, Dis, and then Dwalin. After those five, it went mostly by age with Fili, Kili, and then Gimli being the dwarves to get the grunt duties. 

Gandalf understood it better than him but Bilbo knew not to ask. If the dwarves themselves weren’t willing to share the information then he was better off not knowing it. That was the polite thing to do, anyways. 

“Dori and Ori are getting along well.” Gandalf commented.

Bilbo nodded with a happy smile as he blew out a circular ring of smoke with a puff of his lips. “Yes, I’m rather glad to see them getting along so well with their own kind. All the dwarves take quite the shine to them, except,” Bilbo shook his head but felt encouraged when Gandalf made a ‘go on’ noise. “Well, it’s only that Nori, the bloke with the peaked red hair? I thought he was only avoiding me at first due to the incident back at Bag End that we don’t mention anymore, but it turns out he’s avoiding them even more than me. He leaves the area every time they approach when none of the others act that way. Why is that?”

“That, my dear Bilbo, will resolve itself in due time.” Gandalf assured. 

Rolling his eyes, Bilbo pressed his leaf in his bowl and snuffed out the glow. “Very well, keep your secrets, as usual. I shall retire to my bed then.”

“It is still rather early, Bilbo.” Gandalf remarked.

“Yes, but it’s also rather difficult falling asleep in a bed that hangs over the ground. It’s made all the more difficult when there are already dwarves asleep and snoring.” Bilbo pointed out as he tucked his pipe back into an inside pocket.

Gandalf chuckled. “Very well. Pleasant dreams then.” Bilbo bid him a good rest as well as he made his way below decks.

Below the decks always made Bilbo feel out of place. It wasn’t anywhere as comforting as being below ground back at Bag End. The lighting was all artificial and the hallways were narrow or the rooms were cluttered with supplies. Even the main sleeping and bathing quarters were cramped and seemed to withhold on the comfort level. They also echoed which was a nightmare once all the dwarves started snoring at night. Bilbo had learned from the first few nights to fall asleep before the others or else he wouldn’t sleep at all.

“—it down or else someone will hear us!” It was a perfect example of the echoing. Bilbo had only turned the bend to head down towards the shared sleeping quarters and he could already hear others in the room.

He sighed to himself and hoped that whoever was in the room would allow him to fall asleep without too many distractions.

“No one would hear us if you just gagged him already.” Dwalin sounded gruffer than usual. Bilbo certainly didn’t like the topic of gagging someone. He slowed his steps in able to sneak closer. When he heard grunts and moans, he became concerned and sped up again. It sounded as though Dwalin was beating on someone and he couldn’t have been alone. 

Bilbo wasn’t sure what he was going to do, but he had to do something if someone was getting hurt. “Now, you see here,” he began as he entered the room in a grand entrance. He froze as his eyes took in Bofur on his hands in knees between Dwalin and the mysterious Nori. He saw that Bofur was gagged and he understood why he had heard such grunts and moans.

“My mistake,” Bilbo turned on his heels and walked out of the room. Perhaps he could smoke longer with Gandalf after all. He certainly wouldn’t be sleeping soon with that particular image in his head. “Well, I certainly didn’t want to know that much about dwarves.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle with Azog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is completely different from the last because a lot of important things happen.

Things had been going great, despite the bit of awkwardness Bilbo had felt with Bofur the day after he had accidently sneaked a look at Bofur’s sexual life. Bofur hadn’t felt any awkwardness. He had sat right next to Bilbo at breakfast and nudged him with a wink.

“A dwarf can get lonely sailing around all the time. Most of the crew knows such comforts amongst us. And if this spacing gets too much for you, I’m sure there’s more than a few of us that won’t mind getting to know a hobbit a bit more personally.” Bofur had extended.

Bilbo had only nodded his head as his face turned red and continued to stuff rehydrated eggs into his mouth to excuse himself from talking. 

But otherwise things had been great. Up until the pirates attacked, things had been more than great.

“I will never go on another adventure again.” Bilbo swore to himself as he knelt behind a crate. He could still hear the clash of swords, the zaps of lasers, and feel the blasts of cannons shake through the ship.

The pirate ship had come from the north of them. It was a smaller vessel which meant it was faster than theirs. They had tried to turn off course and flee but that had been unsuccessful. They were fired upon and fired back but with the shielding system mostly all ships had to protect their haul, neither really took much damage. They were chased down and boarded by orcs.

Gandalf had pushed Ori and Bilbo down into the ship’s hold and ordered them to hide and stay safe while he returned to the upper deck to lend a hand in the fight. Ori was wide eyed and his breathing was raspy as he sat next to Bilbo behind the crates and barrels.

“We can’t just sit here while the rest of them fight.” Ori stared at Bilbo, trying to will him to agree by just looking at him. “We can fight too.”

“No we can’t. We don’t have any training and we certainly don’t have any weapons.” Bilbo argued.

Ori’s eyes narrowed with determination and he stood up from their hiding spot and began to run around the different storage boxes. “Ori,” Bilbo hissed from his hiding spot before he stood up and followed after him. “Ori, we have to stay safe. If anything happened to you then Dori would kill me!” 

“And if something happened to Dori while I was down here doing nothing then I’d kill myself with guilt and grief!” Ori finally found the crate he had been looking for and swung it open to reveal a large pile of swords. “Take one,” Ori shoved one into Bilbo’s hands, not giving him a choice in the matter. He grabbed two for himself and then ran up the stairs into the fray of battle.

Bilbo stood at the bottom, staring up with wide eyes. The sounds of the battle were enough to make his knees shake and his body quiver. He couldn’t imagine seeing it. He couldn’t imagine being involved. He would get skewered by a sword or blasted by a gun as soon as he stepped foot up there. 

But yet, what would happen to him if all of his friends fell and the orcs overtook the ship? He didn’t have much hope to survive that sort of situation. 

Strengthening his resolve, Bilbo went up the stairs with his sword in hand. He arrived to a scene as terrible as he had imagined. Orcs were all over the deck, they outnumbered the dwarves easily three to one despite their ship having been smaller. Luckily, these orcs didn't have much technology.

Unlike the orcs from the home planet of Moria, the orcs that settled elsewhere and had no ties to Moria were kind and educated. They had even created some of the best ship protection shields to best prepare against pirates. 

These orcs only had what they had stolen from other ships which meant it wasn't in the best condition. With advance weapons, the dwarves were doing much better against the orcs. 

Bilbo didn't see any of his friends strewn horribly across the deck as he saw some of the orcs, but it was still a gruesome sight. Black gooey blood seeped into the wooden floorboards and sprayed around the ground. Red could also be seen wherever Bilbo stepped, mixing into the black like a demented art piece.

Bilbo knew that elves had excellent aim with their laser guns and cannons but seeing Tauriel and Legolas balanced on the upper deck railing and firing down into the massive crowd was far superior to reading of battles long ago. Every time they took a shot, an orc would fall in an explosive burst of dark blood and a cry of agony mixed with anger. 

Gandalf was using both his staff and his sword to fight against the orcs and their medieval weaponry. The orcs were gathered around the wizard but he held them at bay as he swung his weapons and bursts of light and flame emitted from his staff. 

Then the dwarves fought in the battle as well-crafted as they worked on the ship. Everyone seemed to know their part and how to move around one another to protect and take out the orcs around them. Most of the dwarves preferred to use weapons that Bilbo knew were once crafted by dwarves. They didn’t go for laser guns or long distance weapons; they liked getting in close and using their strength as they wielded their weapons effortlessly. 

The orcs carried swords forged of iron, sharp metal spears, large hammers, and spiky balls attached on thick chains that Bilbo didn't know the names of. A handful of lucky orcs held actual lasers and a few swords of the dwarven quality that hummed with electricity to send shock-waves through the enemy or helped to strengthen their blows. 

Metal rang against metal, buzzing lasers whirled overhead, and Bilbo Baggins stood in the middle of the chaotic battle, holding his sword by the hilt with two trembling hands. This was far too much for a little hobbit. He felt in that moment that leaving The Shire was a terrible mistake. He should have never run out of Bag End. This adventure was not meant for him. He wanted to go home.

A horrid noise pierced the air and Bilbo realized with dread that more orcs were beginning to board their ship. Even worse than the sheer number of the orcs, was that one was charging right towards Bilbo with determination and rage in its bloodshot eyes. The monstrous orc swung his spear, swiping at Bilbo, and Bilbo sloppily dodged it with his sword. He slipped on the blood and landed right on his back, bringing his sword up and stabbing it through the orc as it tried to follow him down to the ground. The orc screeched, black blood dribbling down its mouth as it became impaled on Bilbo's sword and slowly sunk on top of Bilbo to pin him to the ground.

Bilbo grunted and panted with the weight pinning him down. It took him a while to roll over onto his side and pull his sword back out of the orc. His sword made a wet, slipping sound and Bilbo felt his stomach roll. 

Another roaring scream came from the orc ship and it seemed as though both ships paused. All eyes went onto the large, pale orc that stood on the rail of the orc ship. He held a large mace in one hand and a metal claw protruded out of the elbow of his other hand which was missing a flesh and blood hand. 

"Azog," Bilbo didn't know where Thorin was amongst the battle crowd, but he could hear him all the same. "You've come out of hiding, you slithering snake."

The enormous orc bared his sharp teeth in challenge. 

"Let us finish this." Thorin came charging out of the battle crowd just as Azog leaped from the railing, brandishing his mace above his head. Of course, due to the momentum of Azog’s jump and also his size difference from Thorin, when the two met, Thorin fell to the ground like a sack of bricks.

Thorin rolled from his back onto his side just in time to miss the claw that was aimed for his head. Thorin went under Azog’s legs and came up behind him, spinning on the slickened deck to slice at Azog’s back. Azog roared as he stumbled forward from the sudden pain. He lashed at Thorin as he turned to attack again. His mace met with Thorin’s sword. 

The others had all begun to fight again but Bilbo could tell that the dwarves and the orcs were fighting with half of their attention on Thorin and Azog. The two matched each other blow for blow. They seemed rather even. But then Thorin managed to block a swing coming down onto his head, side stepped, and delivered a stab into Azog’s side, his robotic arm providing the strength to push clean through the orc.

Bilbo felt delighted even as the horrid orc screeched. Thorin would win. They would conquer this orc group and make space a little safer for everyone as well as end the vengeance Thorin had carried with him for so many years. 

As Thorin pulled his sword free of Azog’s skin, the orc fell to one knee. His singular hand went to the ground, slicked black with orc blood. As he raised his hand, he tossed a handful of blood at Thorin’s face, blinding him. Thorin cried with shock as a hand flew up to his face to wipe at the blood, his other hand held his sword at his side.

Azog rose and kicked at Thorin as he did so, sending the dwarf toppling to the ground, rolling until he came to a stop a few feet in front of Bilbo’s stilled form. Bilbo heard the cries of the other dwarves as Thorin’s sword fell from his hand. Everything seemed to slow down to Bilbo as he watched Azog grab the sword and stride over to the fallen dwarf. He pressed one foot to Thorin’s chest, pinning the dwarf just as he managed to clear his vision.

Raising Thorin’s own sword up over his head, Bilbo knew that Azog planned to bring the sword down in one foul blow and decapitate Thorin. 

Rushing forward, Bilbo leaped over Thorin’s body and into Azog. Bilbo didn’t have the mass to do much but send Azog stumbling back a step or two. But Bilbo had still been able to successfully drive his sword deep into Azog’s chest when he collided with him.

Azog stared down at Bilbo with horror and surprise on his pale face. Bilbo was sure his own face mirrored the orc’s expression. He could feel Azog’s blood slowly seeping down the sword and onto his hands wrapped tightly on the hilt. 

Bilbo took a step back but released the sword, leaving it to stick through Azog like a skewer. If there were cries of celebration or anguish, Bilbo couldn’t hear them. He couldn’t hear anything as he dumbly stared at Azog slowly crumbling down to his knees to then fall on his side. Thorin’s own sword fell from his hand.

Even as Bilbo watched this, he could also see the other orcs charging at him but he couldn’t force his body to move. He felt something hard smack into his shoulder and watched as Thorin rushed past him, picked up his sword, and charged into the pack of angry orcs.

“Come on, come on,” Bilbo realized in a daze that Dori was suddenly at his side and pulling him back below deck. “Sit, Bilbo, just sit now.” Bilbo’s knees unlocked under him and he fell onto the crate Dori was pushing him onto. “The battle will be easily won now that you killed the leader.”

“I killed him.” Bilbo mumbled, feeling as though his tongue was too thick for his mouth. The words didn’t fit right in his mouth.

“I killed him. I killed someone. I killed two orcs.” Bilbo felt the tears on his cheeks. They felt contrastingly hot against his cold body. He felt numb. He felt empty. He didn’t know how he was supposed to feel. He had taken more than one life and he couldn’t breathe or stop shaking. 

Dori held him as he shook and sobbed. Bilbo gripped his hands in his own, hoping that he wasn’t smearing blood on him, as he hid his face in Dori’s neck as he cried. That was how Gandalf found them when he came to tell them that the battle was over. 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

When Bilbo finally felt calm enough, he cleaned himself off, with Dori’s help, and made his way up to the deck. The dwarves were already busy cleaning off the deck with mops and buckets. Some wore bandages but most seemed whole and hearty. There were even a few that Bilbo would have described as downright cheerful even after such a gruesome battle.

And then there was Thorin.

He came onto Bilbo like a thunderous storm. Anger clouded his vision as he loomed over the hobbit.

“What do you think you were doing? How dare you take Azog’s life as your own victory!” Thorin accused. “You had no right to interfere, you accursed hobbit! Azog was meant to be killed by my hand alone and you took that from me. Three decades I spent hunting that coward down and when we finally cross paths you had to step in where you were not wanted and slay the beast for your own glory.” 

Luckily for Bilbo he was still rather shocked about taking his first life so most of Thorin’s words weren’t affecting him. He was still numb and having someone shout at him just had him feeling confused, not belittled. 

“You don’t belong with me or my people. You know nothing of our ways if you would disrespect me in such a manner.” Thorin snarled as his robotic arm clenched into a fist. Bilbo wondered if Thorin would really strike at him.

“Brother,” Frerin stepped in and rested a hand on Thorin’s flesh arm. He didn’t say anything more as he tugged on Thorin and bid him to move away. Thorin stubbornly refused to move from his intimidating position before Bilbo.

“Thorin, you can’t change what happened by yelling at Bilbo.” Dis grabbed Thorin’s robotic arm now and began to push him towards Frerin. “Come, we shall feast in victory. Let us honor our grandfather now that the pirate that caused his death is finally dead.” 

Bilbo watched at Dis and Frerin successfully managed to get Thorin to the galley. Dori was still a warm presence at Bilbo’s side. “Ignore what Thorin said, Bilbo. He’s still running on endorphins from the battle; he doesn’t know what he’s saying.” Bilbo didn’t say anything and he missed the worried look Dori shot him. 

“Perhaps a smoke?” Gandalf suggested and Dori mouthed ‘thank you’ for the change of topic.

“Yes, a smoke sounds lovely, right, Bilbo? Let’s sit and watch the stars pass.” Dori began to tug Bilbo over to one side of the ship. He frowned as he realized their small group was missing a member. “Where’s Ori?” Terror struck Dori as he realized he hadn’t seen Ori since he ordered him and Bilbo under deck. 

Nori came hobbling up onto the deck at that very moment, his entire side wrapped with bandages. Ori was walking with one of Nori’s arms slung around his shoulders even though Ori had one arm in a sling. Ori was staring at Nori as though he was the answer to all of his problems. 

“Ori,” Dori approached the two with alarm. “What happened to you?”

“He saved my life, Dori! An orc had my arm in its grip and was about to stab me but Nori rushed in to take the hit himself. He even killed the orc while the orc’s sword was still in him. He was amazing!” Ori gushed with joy.

“Ori, this was why I wanted you to stay below decks!” Dori gripped Ori in a tight embrace. “If you had died, Ori, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. You know you’re my world.”

“I’m sorry, Dori, but I couldn’t sit and wait while everyone else fought.” Ori grumbled. “I killed some orcs, I was a help. I told you I could fight.”

“Next time you will fight by my side then, so I can keep my eye on you and protect you better.” Dori released a shaky breath before he turned to Nori with a smile. “I am forever in your debt, Nori, for saving Ori’s life.” 

“I wasn’t about to watch some orc run my brother through. It was nothing, Dori.” Nori smiled.

Dori’s eyes narrowed. “Brother?”

Nori’s mouth dropped as his eyes widened. “I, um,” he ran a hand through his messed up hair that had fallen from its usual high peak. 

“Rori?” Dori mumbled, disbelievingly as he took Nori in with a new look in his eye. He looked him over from head to toe as though it was the first time he was really seeing the dwarf in front of him. “Is it really you, little brother, after all this time?”

“I haven’t been called Rori in over seven decades. Had to drop the name if I wanted to ensure no one would figure out I had brothers.” Nori smiled sheepishly at Dori and Ori. “I never wanted the two of you to end up getting caught in one of my schemes or problems.” 

“Oh, Rori,” Dori grabbed Nori and pulled him into a hug as well. The embrace was hurting Nori with the obvious grimace on his face but he didn’t dare ask Dori to stop and only pulled him in tighter. 

“Rori?” Ori asked timidly as he watched his older brothers.

“Come here, Ori,” Nori waved him over with a hand. The three brothers gripped onto one another tightly. Bilbo watched the reunion with a happy smile as he smoked the pipe Gandalf had handed him.

“When Thorin and his family left Erebor, right after its economy fell, their ship was attacked by Azog’s crew.” Gandalf began. Bilbo turned his eyes from the reunited dwarves to the wizard. “Thorin was on the ship with his father and grandfather. Frerin, Dis, and Thorin’s mother were on a different ship, traveling a few leagues behind theirs. When they were attacked, they called for backup, but by the time the second ship arrived, the orcs had already left.

“Only Thorin survived the attack. The entire ship was slayed, although his father’s body was missing. Thorin’s arm was also missing and he was left for dead. Azog assumed that such a young dwarf wouldn’t remain alive with such an injury and he wanted Thorin to suffer for taking his own arm.” Gandalf inhaled a deep pull from his pipe. “Frerin and Dis’ ship luckily had a medic that was able to save Thorin before too much blood lost. Azog later learned that Thorin survived and the two have fought once more. Azog fled the last time and Thorin had hunted him down ever since.”

Passing Gandalf back the pipe, Bilbo stood and nodded his head. He took on a determined expression and marched past the embracing dwarves. “Bilbo?” Dori called after him but Bilbo ignored him as he went down into the galley.

Thorin was sitting between Dis and Frerin but his eyes narrowed when Bilbo strode up to him. Due to Thorin sitting, Bilbo stood on the other side of the table and was at perfect eye level with the dwarf.

“You are one of the most intolerable beings I have ever met.” Bilbo placed his hands on his hips as he stared at Thorin. “I had no intention of saving your life and I certainly never planned nor wanted to take another’s life, even a murderous orc’s life. But if I had the chance, I would have done it again.”

“If I had the chance I would have kicked your feet out from under you before you delivered the fatal blow.” Thorin declared. He had seemed stunned at first that Bilbo had dared talk to him in such a manner. 

“You would have died if I hadn’t stepped in.” Bilbo pointed out.

“Then I would have deserved to die.” Thorin snarled, not noticing his siblings pained expressions. “It was either him or me. No hobbits were included in our conflict.”

“That’s ridiculous beyond words! I wasn’t about to stand by and watch you die for your pride. That would have hurt too many on this ship and I won’t stand for meaningless death of a friend just so he can try to settle some feud.” Bilbo seethed. “If it means all that much to you, then you can take credit for Azog’s death. It certainly won’t be a tale I’ll be telling at tea time back in The Shire.”

“I would never take credit for another’s victory, what sort of dwarf do you take me for?” Thorin bristled.

“A rather thick headed, prideful, stupid one,” Bilbo folded his arms across his chest. “I really don’t want to be thanked for killing someone, but I certainly didn’t want you to hate me more because of what I did. If I knew dwarves were this ungrateful I--”

“I am not ungrateful.” Thorin interrupted. “I am ashamed.” He admitted in a sudden whisper. “A tiny, untrained hobbit was able to defeat one of my greatest enemies when I was not.” Thorin looked away from Bilbo and quickly shrugged off Frerin’s hand on his shoulder. “I have trained for decades to be considered a great fighter amongst my kind. It seems all a lie now. I should have been able to kill him.”

“It’s not a lie though.” Bilbo was quick to reassure. “It’s like you said, I’m untrained. I only killed him by luck really. The most I know about swords is that the pointy side goes into the enemy and I seemed to get that right.” Bilbo smiled as he belittled himself. “Besides, if Azog had fought fairly, then you surely would have been able to defeat him. Anyone on this ship would agree with me on that, even the elves.” 

Thorin continued to not meet Bilbo’s gaze, instead focusing on the plate of food in front of him on the table. He finally raised his eyes to Bilbo again and the hobbit was surprised to see a smile gracing Thorin’s face. It seemed brighter than any of the stars could ever hope to be.

“You are right. I was letting my pride get ahead of my own self-worth.” Thorin stood and made his slow way around the table to stand before Bilbo. “You saved my life and ended the life of a great enemy to all dwarves. For this, Bilbo Baggins, I owe you more than I can ever repay.” Thorin bowed lowly at his waist. “I am at your service from this day on and I swear before my kin that I shall strive to make amends.”  
Bilbo stared at the bent over dwarf until his words fully sunk in. “Ah, no, that won’t be necessary. No need to try and repay me in any way.”

“Oh but I must, Mister Baggins,” Thorin straightened from his bow with a crooked smirk on his face. “After all, my pride depends on it and I am such a prideful, thick headed dwarf.” Thorin clapped Bilbo on the shoulder and Bilbo felt his stomach tighten. He wondered if the wide grin on Frerin’s face was a good sign or a bad one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if people might think that the dwarves are a bit out of character because of a simple name change and hairstyle confusing Dori and Ori about Nori. Honestly though, dwarves are really dumb. They are without a doubt my favorite race but they are not the brightest of Tolken's creations. They literally die out because they get involved in too many wars and never repopulate themselves fast enough for how many of them die, even with their extended life spans. If The Hobbit has taught me anything, it's that dwarves certainly don't have strategic skills either. Their plans can usually be summed up to 'rush in, headbutt the thing until it dies, triumph.' So I am demonstrating a lot of bad dwarf planning in this fic because that is a key element to this story. This is why I have the dwarves are dumb tag.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bagginshield, lots of Bagginshield and a little bit possessiveness from Thorin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't like sex, just skip the first part.

Dwarves, Bilbo realized, were like cats, especially in the hair department. He was rather surprised that he didn’t find hairballs left around the ship. But they were personality wise similar too. A rare few were outgoing and liked everyone immediately. Most of them were indifferent to you. Then a few started off wary before taking a shine to you and after deciding that they liked you they thought that you belonged to them.

Thorin was one of the latter kind of cat. Since they had gotten over their misunderstanding of the fight with Azog, Thorin was now attached to Bilbo’s hip. Everywhere Bilbo went, Thorin was sure to follow. Bilbo was starting to write a song about it, although he was sure Thorin would like being compared to a sheep even less than the cat analogy.

Due to Thorin’s changed feelings, the other dwarves had started to treat Bilbo better too. When Bilbo entered the galley to eat, Thorin insisted on sitting next to him and made sure Bilbo always had one of the better servings. He wouldn’t let Bilbo leave the galley until he was certain the hobbit was full and still made him take a snack to save in his pockets for later. 

When Bilbo went to have a smoke and a stare at the stars, Thorin would be near him. Thorin didn’t slack on his duties though. While Bilbo had no responsibilities, which Thorin had once resented, Thorin simply brought his jobs over to where Bilbo was lounging. If Bilbo was on one of the upper decks, Thorin would bring along a crate of weapons to repair. While Bilbo was under the ship, Thorin was checking on the wires in that particular room. 

“Are you an engineer then?” Bilbo asked Thorin one afternoon while he watched Thorin pull up a board to get to the wiring underneath.

Thorin smiled and held up his robotic hand, wiggling the fingers in a natural motion. “I made this arm myself. All dwarves are natural craftsmen. We work with all sorts of materials; stone, wood, metals, anything we can get our hands on. Circuit work is a little different but it’s just like crafting. You make sure everything is in order, replace anything that looks damaged, and care for it to ensure it lasts.”

Bilbo had never noticed the hiss of the gears turning in Thorin’s arm before. He had never been around Thorin long enough to hear the noise. Bilbo liked asking Thorin about his craft and listening to how the dwarf would go about building or designing something. But he also liked when Thorin would hum lowly as he worked. Bilbo guessed that Thorin would have a lovely singing voice but he was still too nervous to ask. 

He was learning new things about Thorin but also new things about himself. He really liked the scent of the motor oil Thorin used on his gears to keep them turning without any hitches. He really liked the feel of the leather and fur of Thorin’s coat ever since the dwarf had covered Bilbo’s shoulders with it when they had been passing through a colder area of the galaxy. But most of all, he really liked the look in Thorin’s eyes whenever he smiled at him. 

Bilbo was glad that Dori and Ori were getting reacquainted with their long lost brother or else they would have busted him for his feelings for Thorin with just one look at his face. Bilbo knew he was head over heels, helplessly in love with the dwarf. 

He’s frustrated by the sudden realization. He’s frustrated in many ways. 

They have been sailing for around a month and Bilbo had found little privacy, certainly not enough privacy to really unwind himself. Now with the knowledge of Thorin’s smell, how deep his voice got when he hums, and the feel of his overwhelming jacket insinuating how much Thorin could cover Bilbo’s body with his own. Well, it was simply too much for a hobbit to handle.

When he knew everyone would be at lunch, Bilbo went down to one of the lowest holds, where the smaller ships were kept. He finally felt alone and at enough ease to slip his belt open and tug his pants down around his knees as he settled behind some barrels and crates. He felt like a fauntling again, hiding far away from his parents for a quick wank.

Only, he wasn’t imagining what lied up hobbit lasses’ skirts or thinking of the farming lads as they hefted hay. His mind was solely on Thorin. The width of the dwarf’s shoulders, the waves of his hair, and the way he would smile at Bilbo. 

Taking himself in hand, Bilbo leaned against the barrel and closed his eyes as he allowed himself to moan. How would it feel to have Thorin’s hands on him? Would Thorin be just as gentle with his metal hand as his other hand? Would he treat Bilbo like a delicate flower? Or would he press Bilbo against the wall and make it so he wouldn’t be able to walk straight for a week?

Bilbo whimpered and stroked himself faster. He could imagine the way Thorin would sound, moaning his name, he could imagine the feel of Thorin’s body around him, making him feel safe, and he could imagine that he heard Thorin’s gears whirling in his arm. Bilbo blinked his eyes opened and forced his hand to stop moving as he listened closely. He wasn’t imagining it; he really did hear Thorin’s gears. 

“Bilbo?” Thorin called and Bilbo jumped up and tried to pull his pants around his erection. He tripped in his rush and only ended up knocking over the barrel he had been leaning against. Rope filled the hallway and brought Thorin right over to him.

“You weren’t at lunch and I worried that you--” Thorin cut himself off as he saw Bilbo holding his unbuckled pants up as he also pulled his shirt down over his erection. “Ah, forgive me for interrupting. Space can get rather lonely.” He turned to leave Bilbo to his privacy, making it that easy for Bilbo to continue on and for both of them to act as though this situation had never happened.

But Bilbo couldn’t just let it pass. “It doesn’t have to be!” The words left him in such a loud rush that Bilbo feared he lost control of his mind and his voice level. “Lonely, that is,” he stated at a normal rate. Thorin still had his back turned to Bilbo, but his head was inclined to show he was listening. 

“We’re both adults and we know that everyone has needs.” Bilbo began to lose his bravado and stared at the floor. “You’ve been an adventurer far longer than me and I suspect you have even less of a chance for privacy considering that you have family around and all the dwarves go to you for answers.”

Thorin finally turned around and looked Bilbo from the curly hair on his toes up to the curly hair on his head. He cautiously made his way towards him, as though afraid of spooking a wild animal. He stepped over the fallen ropes and stopped just within arm’s reach.

“Are you sure you want this?” Thorin asked, he lifted his metal hand towards Bilbo’s cheek but didn’t make contact yet. “All of this?”

Bilbo shifted to press his face against Thorin’s hand and found that the metal wasn’t as cold as he thought it would be. He looked up at Thorin and Thorin drew him into a kiss. Bilbo stopped holding his shirt and pants in favor of getting his hands on Thorin. He slid up Thorin’s arms, feeling the contrast of metal and skin. But Thorin’s shoulders, right where the metal connects with skin, was so very warm that Bilbo tried to step closer only to trip over his own pants.

Luckily, he fell onto Thorin who was more than steady enough to hold onto Bilbo and keep him upright.

“Let’s sit down, to avoid injury at the very least.” Thorin suggested as he tugged Bilbo back down behind the crates and the overturned barrel of ropes. Thorin sat right next to Bilbo, his metal hand around Bilbo’s waist and holding him pressed to Thorin’s side. They’re both craning their necks to kiss one another and Bilbo’s hands are both working on Thorin’s pants. He gets them undone and dove right into and around the waiting heat.

Thorin’s own hand was teasing Bilbo. “Please,” Bilbo pulled away from Thorin’s lips to pant. “Please, I was so close before.” He knew he was still close. It was even better than before so how could he not be? He had Thorin with him which was much better than his imagination. Thorin’s callused hand was around him and stroking him. Thorin’s robotic fingers were digging into his hips. Thorin’s tongue was driving him crazy.

And he was touching Thorin. Taking in the heat and the bigger size, bigger than Bilbo had ever known before from short dallies with other hobbits. It was perfect and he wanted it to last. But Bilbo wasn’t surprised that it was quick for both of them. After all, it had been such a long time and space truly was lonely if you didn’t have someone like Thorin.

They sat together afterwards, hands still on one another’s body, mouths still lazily kissing, and both relaxing against one another’s heat. 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Bilbo and Thorin sat with each other at dinner that night. They hadn’t left one another’s sight since what had passed between them earlier that day. Even though they hadn’t spoken about what such a moment between them meant as a relationship nature, Bilbo didn’t feel worried or upset. It was hard to feel bad when Thorin kept smiling at him and touching him gently. 

“Bilbo, I feel like we hardly get to chat with you now that my brother’s taken a shine to you.” Frerin announced his presence by plopping down on the other side of Bilbo. Fili and Kili sat across the table, smiling at Bilbo. He felt his cheeks heating by being surrounded by the family after he had been intimate with Thorin earlier that day. He wondered if his blush would give him away.

“You will keep in mind that we were your first friends, won’t you? I’d be hurt if you forgot about me just because Thorin has bluer eyes.” Frerin blinked his eyes dramatically as he slung an arm over Bilbo’s shoulders and pulled him into his side.

Thorin snapped something at Frerin in a low, angry language that Bilbo had never heard before. Frerin’s eyes went wide and his arm instantly left Bilbo. Fili and Kili had become frozen before they began to eagerly whisper amongst one another while staring at Bilbo and Thorin.

“What did you just say?” Bilbo asked as he felt his cheeks become even redder. “What language was that?”

“Never mind the language,” Thorin dismissed as he placed his metal arm around Bilbo’s shoulders in place of Frerin’s. He tucked Bilbo against his side. “I was merely telling my brother not to touch what does not belong to him.” 

Bilbo wondered if his entire face was red or if it was merely his cheeks and ears. “And who decided that I belonged to you?” 

Thorin tensed beside Bilbo. He looked down at Bilbo without moving away from him. “If you wanted a casual dalliance you should have taken up with Frerin but that chance has passed now. I am one of the line of Durin that does not look beyond what he has been given. If your eyes wander,” Thorin quickly looked around the galley at the other dwarves, “then I will simply have to ensure that they always fall back to me.” 

“Well,” Bilbo began slowly, well aware that he had everyone’s attention on him, uncles and nephews. “I do not like the idea of being a possession and I certainly will not be treated like one.” Bilbo took Thorin’s arm off of his shoulders but he held Thorin’s hand under the table and leaned against him. “Although I have never been much of a wanderer,” he admitted.

“Looks as though we’ve gained a new uncle, Fili,” Kili elbowed his brother in the ribs excitedly but Bilbo and Thorin ignored them.

“Then we are agreed?” Thorin smiled softly as he interlaced his fingers with Bilbo’s.

“Perhaps,” Bilbo licked his lips. “What exactly are we agreeing on?” 

Thorin leaned down to rest his forehead to Bilbo’s. “We are agreeing to be each other’s and each other’s only.” 

“Then yes, we are agreed.” Bilbo dared to rub their noses together before stealing a quick press of their lips together. 

The galley burst into loud cheers and applause which had Bilbo pulling away with shock at the sudden noise. It was only then that Bilbo realized that they had been the center of attention not just at their table but for the entire galley of dwarves. He ducked his head and covered his face with his hands even as the others continued to react joyously. 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

“Does this change anything, brother?” Dis asked later that night. Balin, Dwalin, and Frerin were standing behind her, staring at Thorin and awaiting his answer. 

Thorin shook his head. “Nothing has changed. The goal is still the gold.” 

“And when the time comes, what will happen to Bilbo and the others?” Balin asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “We can’t honestly be expected to kill them now. We’ve never been the dwarves to kill innocents and I certainly can’t see you giving the order to kill someone you’re so fond of.” 

“I am not that fond of Bilbo that I would give up our rightful claim on the gold for him.” Thorin shook his head slowly. “Besides, I knew from the start that we wouldn’t be able to go through with it. We most certainly aren’t bloodthirsty creatures. It doesn’t change anything though. We will still claim the gold for ourselves; we just need to think of another way to get the others out of our way.” 

“Perhaps I can land us on a different planet once we start getting close to our destination and we can leave them all there while we get the gold?” Frerin suggested. 

“We’ll think of something later, when the time comes.” Thorin waved them away as he walked past them. “We still have plenty of time before we even become near to our destination.” 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The next morning, Tauriel told Thorin of a new assignment. He was to take one other person in one of the smaller, quicker ships and explore ahead to ensure there were no obvious signs of danger.

“Why?” Thorin asked the captain.

Tauriel rolled her eyes. “I would like to avoid any more pirate attacks. I know we are in the more dangerous parts of the galaxy. We survived the orcs but I fear what would happen if we ran across a troll trap. Take another with you and look ahead. Make a note of anything unusual and report back. We will be going at a slower pace for today anyways. The orcs did do a number on our engines and hull when they first attacked and we need to do repairs before carrying on.” 

“Aye, Captain.” Thorin nodded his head. He found Dwalin and informed him of his new orders. Dwalin asked who Thorin was going to take. Thorin smirked, “Who do you think?”

He went to Bombur next and received a small selection of goodies before hunting down his real target. “Ah, Bilbo, there you are.”

Bilbo smiled at him which was quite contrasting from Dori’s gloomy expression. “Thorin! I was just speaking of you. What have you got there?”

“I have been told by Captain Tauriel to take one of the escape ships and scope ahead for any signs of danger. I need to bring one other and who else would I like to get away with but with you, my hobbit.” Thorin smiled with delight as he watched the blush form on Bilbo’s plump cheeks. 

“Let me grab another layer real quick.” Bilbo scampered away and Thorin watched him go appreciatively. Dori cleared his throat and snapped Thorin’s attention back to him.

“The only reason I haven’t confronted you and tried to put a stop to all of this between you and Bilbo,” Dori began, “is because Nori and Balin have explained a few things to me already.”

“Oh? And what have they been telling you?” Thorin was sure that Balin wouldn’t have let slip any part of their plans, but he wasn’t confident about where Nori’s loyalties stood now that his kin was around.

“You are not just of the line of Durin, but are the heir of Erebor.” Dori bowed his head. “I trust in you, your majesty, to treat Bilbo right. He is not one to love easily and I’ll admit that he can be difficult to love when he’s being stubborn.” 

“I have no plan to harm him.” Thorin replied truthfully. Dori seemed appeased by his answer and smiled when Bilbo arrived with his red vest on.

“Just a quick warning,” Bilbo was holding Thorin’s flesh hand as they walked down the holds to where the escape boats were kept. “I am not quite comfortable on small ships. At least, I wasn’t the last time I was on one.” 

Thorin chuckled and kissed Bilbo’s forehead reassuringly. “I can think of some way to keep your mind off of your discomfort.” Bilbo didn’t blush at his insinuation and Thorin had to force himself not to pout. He did enjoy making Bilbo flustered. 

When they tied the boat off and opened the gate, Thorin helped Bilbo into the boat and pinched his ass. That got him the blush he was aiming for. But once Thorin had sat the basket of food down and bent over to check that everything was in order on the smaller ship, he was surprised to feel a pinch to his own backside. 

He turned around to see Bilbo smirking triumphantly. “Fair is fair.” 

“Yes, and once we are far enough away to get some true privacy, I will show you how fair I can be to you.” Thorin promised. 

They took off and even though Thorin started by going slow, Bilbo clung to him and looked concerned. It didn’t take long to distract Bilbo by wrapping an arm around him and teaching him how to steer the ship for himself. Bilbo took great delight in sailing the boat. He steered them between a small cluster of interstellar clouds.

Bilbo laughed with joy as he shook the liquid from his curls. Thorin wrapped an arm around his shoulder. As he watched Bilbo’s enjoyment, Thorin knew that he was in trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please make sure you've checked out Pandamani's [wonderful art](http://aloneindarknes7.tumblr.com/post/105406121962/pandamani-my-first-entry-to-the-reverse-big)! I really loved the way Thorin is looking at Bilbo and I hoped I caught that amount of love with my words.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick mention of trolls and then terrible plans are made which don't go as they were planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank everyone who has been reading and commenting as this fic goes along! It's really encouraging and I'm so glad to hear about which scenes people like the best.

They ran into a troll trap. Tauriel blamed Thorin for doing a terrible job patrolling and she blamed him loudly and angrily. Thorin agreed but he certainly wasn’t going to say that aloud. He’d rather die with whatever dignity he could while slowly being roasted alive. 

Apparently, trolls didn’t account for hobbits having slender wrists. Bilbo was able to free himself from his binds and slip away unnoticed. He untied Gandalf and the wizard was able to trick the trolls into thinking they were all horribly diseased. 

When the trolls were gone, Thorin smiled as Bilbo untied him. “I was really worried but it looks like this turned out for the best.” Bilbo commented.

“Yes, not being eaten by trolls certainly is for the best.” Thorin agreed.

“I meant those two,” Bilbo motioned over his shoulder at Legolas and Gimli. The trolls had thrown the two of them into one sack since they had been running low on them. Gloin was rushing to help free his son but Gimli didn’t seem as indignantly angry as he had been when he was originally tossed into the sack. Thorin actually thought Gimli looked rather pleased. 

“What of those two?” Thorin asked Bilbo in a low tone, not wanting to attract eavesdroppers. 

“You didn’t know? Well, I’m not one to gossip so you won’t hear it from me.” Bilbo bit down on his bottom lip in a cute display of silence. 

Thorin rolled his eyes. “You told me all hobbits gossip. Now come on, tell me and I’ll give you a kiss.”

“I rather think I deserve a kiss for all of this anyways.” Bilbo protested. He didn’t last long though once Thorin started to smile earnestly at him. “Alright, fine. Legolas and Gimli have been meeting secretly by night. I only know this because I have a terrible habit of drinking too much water before going to bed and then I’m never able to fall asleep right away afterwards due to all the snoring.”

“They’re having a secret relationship?” Thorin was scandalized with the very thought of his own cousin’s son having a relationship with an elf. 

“Well, I’m fairly certain it just started off as sparring buddies. I would always catch them play fighting and boasting about their skills to one another. It was amusing to watch them because I’m quite certain that neither of them realized that they were flirting with one another.” Bilbo chuckled. “That’ll change now though; just look at that expression in Gimli’s face. That’s how your nephew looks at Tauriel, you know.”

Thorin whipped his head back at Bilbo then. “What?”

Bilbo rolled his eyes. “You’re hopeless.” He tugged Thorin down for a kiss. He went to check on Dori and Ori since they had both had the misfortune of being on the skewer along with Thorin.  
Thorin decided to call a meeting that night after nothing else eventful happened. 

“It has come to my attention,” Thorin began once the difficult feat of getting fourteen dwarves to shut up and listen to him was accomplished. “That most of our feelings for the others have changed and that our plans must change as well.” 

Of course the dwarves all started to quarrel instantly amongst themselves at this statement. When Thorin was able to quiet them down again, he could already feel the beginning of a headache building behind his eyes. 

“I know he’s cute, brother, but Bilbo’s not worth throwing away everything we’ve worked for.” Frerin argued, seeing the chance to speak his mind. “We’re doing this for our family, for our heritage; this gold is rightfully ours.”

“And what about family?” Nori spoke up. “What am I supposed to do about my brothers when the time comes?”

“We certainly can’t hurt Dori and Ori; they’re dwarves just like us. They have the same right to this gold as we do.” Fili agreed and Thorin didn’t miss the way Balin nodded along. 

“What if we just get rid of the elves then?” Gloin suggested. Gimli smacked his dad angrily in the gut and Gloin hugged his stomach as he eyed his son curiously and waited for an explanation that wasn’t coming. 

Thorin rubbed at his temples. “There are fifteen of us, two elves, two other dwarves, a hobbit, and a wizard. Between the fifteen of us and the six of them, raise your hand if you began a romantic relationship with one of them over this past month of traveling.” Thorin demanded even as he didn’t bother to raise his own hand, knowing that his relationship was of course implied.

Balin didn’t hesitate to raise his hand, neither did Fili and Kili. Gimli raised his hand confidently and ignored his parents as they both began whispering urgent questions to him. Gimli kept his eyes glued on Thorin and waited. 

Thorin nodded slowly with a sigh. “Wait, did you finally get with Ori, nephew?” Frerin asked Fili with a wide grin on his face.

Fili returned the grin. “We have shared a few kisses, which is more than what Kili has achieved.” He teased his younger brother. 

Kili shot him a glare and Dis smacked Fili on the arm with a hiss of “Be nice to your brother.”

“If Balin is with Dori and Fili is with Ori, then who are Kili and Gimli seeing?” Dwalin asked as he stared at the two younger members of their company. 

The room went quiet as everyone took a moment to think. Then the quarreling started once more with angry cries of “With an elf!” and “How could you?” aimed at the youngest. Dis and Fili were yelling in defense of Kili while Gloin was holding Kimli while she wailed about her son being deceived by an elf. Gimli ignored his parents and argued alongside his uncle against Dwalin. 

“Listen, listen,” Dis banged her fist against the table once the beginning arguments started to lower. Everyone turned to look at her. “We have all grown attached to them in one way or another, even those blasted elves. We don’t want them to come to harm and they don’t have to either. We have other options than killing or leaving them to fend for themselves on some strange planet.”

“We could just share the gold.” Kili suggested. “It is going to be more than what Smaug stole from just the dwarves. If we split it all evenly then the fifteen of us will get more than enough to help restore Erebor to its former glory, especially if it’s a planet filled with gold.”

Everyone stared at Kili as though this was even worse than his dating an elf. Dis shook her head before continuing as though Kili had never spoken. “I was thinking we could just tie them up in a room on board here. We will keep some of us to guard them and others will start to fill the ship with gold from the planet. We can keep that going between this planet and Erebor. Then we can let them go once we’re back on Erebor with all the gold. We won’t hurt them as long as they don’t put up a fight. After all, they like us as much as we like them so they shouldn’t be too eager to fight us either.”

The group seemed to agree with Dis, everyone ignoring Kili’s suggestion.

“But what about the hobbit?” Nori asked, looking at Thorin. “He was able to wiggle his way free of the troll’s bindings, what would stop him from doing the same with ours?” 

Thorin narrowed his eyes but nodded, agreeing. “Bilbo is clever and he would be the one to worry about freeing himself and the others. Perhaps,” he stopped and rubbed at his bearded chin. “Perhaps I can convince him not to try and escape. In a perfect universe I would be able to convince him to become a pirate but that is not the life for my hobbit. No, I will get him to agree to be our captive and then once we have our gold back and I am the rightful king of Erebor, then I will make amends.” Thorin nodded to himself and then remembered that he was discussing his plans before all of his company. 

“This is our plan now. If anyone hurts any of the others unnecessarily, then you will be punished accordingly.” Thorin declared. “Now, Frerin and Gimli, how far away are we from reaching the destination?” 

Frerin shrugged. “Legolas doesn’t tell me any of that. He only tells me if I’m veering off course or not.” 

“We’ve about three days away from getting within sight of the planet.” Gimli spoke up confidently. 

“Well, at least some good has come from shacking up with an elf.” Frerin muttered. 

Gimli slammed his hands down on the table and then proceeded to climb onto it with his axe in his hands. “I have not shacked up with an elf,” Gimli growled. “But I do have plans to do so. If you think Legolas is some prissy, leaf eating elf, then you don’t know him and I will not have you speak ill of him or else you will taste my axe.” He declared angrily. “Legolas is as tough as a dwarf and just as witty. More importantly, he is not any other elf because he is now my elf.” 

“Tauriel isn’t just another elf either.” Kili stood up and leaned forward against the table. “She is brave and fierce as any dwarrowdam. She has traveled through the galaxy for decades now and fought all sorts of pirate groups. She’s explored unmapped planets. She rivals the beauty of the stars with her shining eyes and he silky hair.” Kili sighed dreamily and Fili rolled his eyes as he tugged on Kili to sit back down.

“This has not become a meeting to defend your crushes.” Thorin pointed out, staring at Gimli until he moved off of the table and put his axe away. 

“Isn’t that what you’re doing though?” Bofur asked, speaking for the first time during this meeting. “You just argued that you could get Bilbo to behave but I don’t think that will happen. Bilbo is feisty and stubborn when it comes to something he’s against. If he doesn’t agree with us being pirates then he won’t go along with it.” 

“He will if I ask him to.” Thorin disagreed. “He loves me, after all.”

“So he’ll be heartbroken but I don’t think he’ll go along with it.” Bofur shook his head.

“He will.” Thorin growled. “We have three days until we are within sight. That means in two nights from now we will wait until they are all asleep and jump on them to secure them in our bindings. I will speak with Bilbo before we move to do so. I would have four of us ambush the wizard; Dwalin, Bifur, Oin, and Kimli. Bofur will go to Dori, along with Nori and Balin so he won’t feel inclined to put up much of a fight. I want Kili, Dis, and Frerin on Tauriel. Gimli and Gloin will take on Legolas. Then Bombur and Fili will go for Ori. That is the plan and we will speak no more on it.” Thorin dismissed and quickly left the galley.

The night was brisk as it always was when they were so far away from a sun. The stars were bright and the decks were empty. He rubbed at his eyes and made his way to the common room where Dori, Ori, and Bilbo were sleeping. Thorin had switched to a hammock next to Bilbo’s and he sat on it then, watching the hobbit sleep.

Myrtle was cuddled on the pillow next to Bilbo and uttered a small chirp as the morph began to stir. Thorin smiled and rubbed a finger over the blob with a shushing noise until it settled again. He ran his fingers through Bilbo’s curls gently and that was how Balin found him. 

“I’ve given up my leg for this quest to bring Erebor back to its former glory,” Balin whispered as he looked over the hammocks to Dori’s snoring form. “I would gladly give up my other leg, both my arms, and even my life. But I’m not sure if I’m willing to give up my heart, Thorin. Even if we succeed, we will be hurting the ones we love by betraying them in such a way.” 

Thorin brushed some of Bilbo’s curls away from his pointed ear. “This has been our dream since I was just a dwarfling, Balin, and we are so close to achieving it now.” 

Balin placed a hand on Thorin’s shoulder. “Dreams have a way of changing.” He patted Thorin before making his way over to his own hammock. 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Bilbo sat with Ori and Dori. Even though it had only been a month, it felt like so much had changed between the three of them already. He was thrilled that they had been reunited with Rori, even if the dwarf went by Nori now. He was also well aware that Dori and Ori had started their own relationships but were still hesitant to be open about it like Bilbo was with Thorin.

Thorin had been acting rather odd the last few days though. Ever since Bilbo had hinted towards Kili’s relationship with Tauriel after the incident with the trolls, Thorin had been keeping some distance between himself and Bilbo. Bilbo knew it wasn’t due to Bilbo’s request to take their relationship a bit slower. Thorin had agreed not to rush and had kept the sex to a minimum, but enjoyable for both of them, not making either feel guilty or uncomfortable. 

When they had been alone and supposed to be scoping out the area ahead for any traps, they had done what Bilbo considered their ‘second time.’ It had been wonderful and ended with both of them panting. Bilbo had also needed something to drink. They had miserably failed at noticing the trolls trap, but they had worked out a lot for their relationship.

He knew that couldn’t be the problem, but Bilbo was still unsure about what was. Thorin almost seemed guilty every time he looked at Bilbo. Bilbo also felt as though Thorin was deliberately keeping away from him. 

“Have the others been avoiding you guys lately too?” Ori suddenly asked, as though he had been reading Bilbo’s thoughts. 

Dori hummed around his pipe. “I think it’s because we’re getting close to our destination.” 

“Do you think they’re still going to try and attack us?” Ori frowned. “It would explain why they’d want some distance from us, but they won’t really hurt us, will they? I mean, they’re much more than just a pirate crew hired on. They’re our family and friends now, even more than that.” Ori smiled as he twirled his hands with the bottom of his shirt. 

Dori’s eyes narrowed but before he could comment Bilbo spoke up. “Yes, I hardly think my boyfriend would let any harm come to us. It is quite obvious that Thorin’s the leader of their little pirate group too. No, I really don’t think we have much to worry about any oncoming attacks from them. After all, if they just stopped to think about it, taking fifteen shares of a planet’s worth of gold should be enough to appease them. I’m not actually interested in taking any gold for myself, I’m sure Gandalf isn’t either. Tauriel and Legolas have already been paid for their troubles so they might not want much besides some armor or perhaps a necklace or two. Then of course the two of you just wanted to see the gold returned to Erebor anyways.”

Ori nodded with a smile. “That’s right. It would be rather stupid for them to attack us after you’ve pointed that all out. We’re not greedy creatures, after all; there will be plenty for all of us to share.” 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Bilbo slapped at the hands shaking him awake. “Bilbo,” he rolled over to ignore the hissing but the hands returned to shake him harder. “Bilbo, you must wake up.” Bilbo blinked one eye open and then finally convinced it to stay open. He stared up at Thorin without understanding what the dwarf was doing.

“Bilbo, get up and follow me. We need to talk.” Bilbo yawned and tried to tug his blanket up past his shoulder but Thorin only pulled it off of him completely. Bilbo whined but found that Thorin was pulling him up to a sitting position. “At least you don’t have to pull any boots on.” Thorin mumbled as he manhandled Bilbo out of the hammock. 

They made it up onto the main deck, Bilbo still half asleep and leaning heavily against Thorin. He was happy that Thorin was talking to him again but he really thought Thorin had chosen an awful time for this.

“Bilbo, I have to tell you something.” Bilbo was still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes but he stared at Thorin with as much attention as he was capable of giving at the moment. “I’m not exactly who you think I am. I’m the captain of the crew and we’re all pirates. We only accepted this job because we wanted the treasure from the map you’re using.”

“I know,” Bilbo yawned. “We all know that already, well, all of us except for Legolas. This couldn’t have waited until the morning?” He asked.

Thorin’s eyes were narrowed. “What do you mean you know already?”

Bilbo rolled his eyes. “Nori tried to steal the map from Gandalf the day before we set sail. Do you really think a hood over his hair is a proper disguise?” He shook his head. “Dwarves are much better fighters than strategists.” He mumbled. “You should consider yourself lucky that I think you have attractive qualities aside from your brain.” 

“You’ve been dating me already knowing that I’m a pirate. So you don’t hold any qualms against piracy?” Thorin took Bilbo’s hands in his own. “This is wonderful, Bilbo, then you can simply swear your allegiance to me and join my crew. That way I won’t have to go through the trouble of tying you up and keeping you under guard.”

Bilbo suddenly felt a lot less tired as Thorin’s words registered. “Come again?”

“We are all but one day away from reaching Treasure Planet. Even as I speak with you now, my crew is moments from binding the others. We are going to hold them all captive in one room and keep them locked up as well as heavily guarded to ensure that they do nothing to try and stop us from taking all the gold for ourselves.” Thorin was still smiling and holding Bilbo’s hands. “Now you won’t have to be tied up and I won’t have to try and redeem myself later.” 

“Do you really think you don’t need redemption after telling me that you planned on holding my friends captive while you take every last piece of gold for yourself?” Bilbo snatched his hands out of Thorin’s. “Why are you doing this? There’s enough gold for all of us to share.” 

“Bilbo, we don’t know for sure how much gold is going to be on this planet. You also don’t understand how much gold will be needed to reform Erebor.” Thorin began. 

“I apparently didn’t understand how utterly dumb dwarves can be either.” Bilbo growled and turned away from Thorin to head below decks.

“Wait, are you not willing to join me then?” Thorin frowned.

“Of course not, and I’m not going to just sit idle while you go about capturing my friends. I’m going to go wake them and warn them.” Bilbo declared boldly.

Thorin’s eyes narrowed. “I can’t let you do that, Bilbo. If you won’t join me, then you’re against me, and I can’t let you or any of them stop me from reclaiming my people’s gold.” 

Bilbo stared at Thorin with a raised brow. “You think you can stop me from waking everyone?” 

“I know I can.” Thorin scowled.

Bilbo inhaled deeply and then screamed at the top of his lunges. “Pirates! Pirates are attacking!”

Thorin pulled Bilbo to his chest and tried to cover his mouth but it was too late. He could already hear startled shouts and angry grunts. He knew that no one was even close to the elves’ quarters yet which meant that they would have only had the time to grab Dori and Ori. 

Bilbo pushed against Thorin and finally bit down on his hand covering his mouth. Thorin hissed and pulled the hand away, shaking it to ease the sting of the hobbit’s teeth. Bilbo used that moment to kick back and hit Thorin in the thigh. Thorin considered himself lucky that he hadn’t felt Bilbo’s large foot a little higher. Still, it meant that Bilbo was able to pull away and run towards the captain’s quarters.

“Bilbo!” Thorin shouted even as Kili and Frerin ran up from the bottom deck followed by many of the others. 

“I take it things didn’t go so smoothly with your boyfriend.” Frerin deadpanned even as he handed Thorin his sword. 

“Shut up,” Thorin snapped. “Did you at least get ahold of Dori and Ori?” 

“We did, but it took six of us to keep Dori still long enough. That was even with Balin and Nori holding him back. As soon as he saw us tying Ori up, he flung most of us off of him and we had to all jump on him. He gave Balin a black eye so I don’t think their relationship is going too well right now either.” Kili frowned as he watched Tauriel open her door to let Bilbo inside before glaring at them and slamming it shut. “And I don’t think I’ll be winning Tauriel’s hand now. Is this really all worth it, Uncle?”

“It will be,” Thorin asserted. “It better be.” 

Thorin had Dwalin, Gloin, and Bombur watch over Dori and Ori as the rest worked on breaking down the reinforced door to Tauriel’s quarters. By the time they finally decided to just blast the door open, the others had escaped through a hole they had blasted in the floor to the lower decks.

“Get after them! And remember, they are not to be hurt!” Thorin yelled even as he rushed ahead of them. He headed straight for the escape ships. Sure enough, they were already boarded and leaving by the time they made it there. Thorin watched as they took off and he met Bilbo’s eyes when the hobbit looked back. 

“Now what, Thorin?” Dis asked, watching her brother carefully for a reaction. “They have the map and a faster but smaller ship.”

“We have two hostages, all of the food, and most of the weapons. We continue on and when we meet up with them on the planet, which I have no doubt that we will, we will come to new terms with them.” Thorin closed the escape hatch. “Tell the others to keep careful watch on the brothers; we’ll need them if we wish to gain the map.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Big events start to unfold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is picking up speed now. I hope to end it with ten chapters so a lot will be happening these last few chapters. Also, I realize that this story is not following Treasure Planet exactly and neither is it following The Hobbit because I had wanted to write a blend of the two with a few surprises so that those familiar with both tales could still read this without knowing what came next.

“Why did no one tell me that they were pirates to begin with?” Bilbo rather thought Legolas was ruining what little good mood Bilbo was in. 

He had started off rather angry, which was to be expected after having his first fight with his boyfriend who had captured the two people he thought of as family. He hadn’t gotten enough sleep and he was cold since he only had his vest and not his coat on. 

When they finally saw the stunning view that was Treasure Planet, Bilbo had forgotten about his anger and the numbness creeping up his legs. The planet was beautiful and seemed to sparkle like a golden beacon. He wondered if the planet was actually made of gold and that was how it had gotten its name. He was sure there was a scientific reason behind the color though. 

But then Legolas had finally broken the silence between all of them to complain. 

“I swear when we lie eyes on those dwarves again I will see them all struck down by my arrows.” Legolas finished his long winded rant.

Bilbo rolled his eyes. “Does that include Gimli then?” 

Legolas fell silent.

“The dwarves have yet to do any harm to us.” Gandalf reminded Legolas. “I rather think we should not be the first ones to attack. No doubt they will try to barter Dori and Ori’s freedom along with a safe passage home for us in exchange for the map. They will need it if they have any hope of figuring out where on this planet Smaug hid his hoard of gold.” 

“Gandalf’s right,” Tauriel agreed. “We should not show hostility if they don’t.” 

“I think trying to jump us while we slept is pretty hostile.” Legolas grumbled.

“Slitting your throat while you sleep is hostile; tying your hands and feet together is just an inconvenience.” Bilbo argued. “They didn’t even try to fire at us when we sailed away. They mean us no harm and were ordered directly from Thorin not to harm us. They will try to bargain for the map and I won’t give it to them.” Bilbo held the map in his hands and glared at the orb.

“You don’t plan on giving it to Thorin?” Tauriel asked, surprised at Bilbo’s statement.

“Of course not, he doesn’t deserve to have the map if he’s going to act like such an idiot,” Bilbo declared. “Besides, I know he won’t hurt Dori or Ori. Nori wouldn’t let him, neither would Balin or Fili let harm fall upon them. If anything, Dori and Ori are assured to be kept safe and fed while in their custody. But no, if Thorin wants this map then he will have to apologize and promise to let us all find the treasure together.”

Bilbo looked over his shoulder at Gandalf with a halfhearted grin. “I didn’t come all the way on this adventure only to give up halfway there. No, this adventure has only just begun and I intend on finishing it, with or without Thorin Oakenshield.” 

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

The planet had yellow grass. Bilbo had rather hoped it would be something more special than that. Everything seemed rather similar to any other planet, except for the yellow plants and the fact that there were no inhabitants.

“Alright, Bilbo, open the map up again and let’s see if it can point us to the gold’s location.” Tauriel prompted once they had landed and stowed the ship under some yellow bushes. “The sooner we find the gold, the sooner we can guard it from greedy dwarves.”

Bilbo spun the map and pressed on the different buttons but before he twisted it one last time he stopped. His large ears twitched. “Did you hear that?” He asked in a low tone as he looked around. 

Tauriel and Legolas already had their weapons drawn and were staring at the same spot that Gandalf was slowly walking towards. Bilbo would have been upset that no one had warned him from what they had heard far before he had even realized anything was amiss. But he thought it wasn’t the time considering that the yellow leaves in the trees were moving. 

“Show yourself,” Gandalf was yelling at the tree. “We already know you are there.” 

An animalistic cry was shouted through the leaves and suddenly a form sprang out at the elves. “Blasted elves!” The form was short and very angry as it hurled itself repeatedly at Tauriel and Legolas. The elves easily dodged and if Tauriel hadn’t snatched the weapon out of Legolas’ hand then Bilbo was sure that the attacker would already be dead.

Gandalf interfered with a swift smack with his staff onto the small creature’s head. “Control yourself, Thrain; these elves mean you no harm.”

The form finally stopped moving around long enough for Bilbo to realize he was staring at a dwarf. The dwarf’s beard and crazy hair covered most of its face. He obviously hadn’t seen a comb in many a year. He was also missing one eye. 

“And who are you that knows me by my name?” The dwarf turned on Gandalf and looked him up and down even as he continued to hold onto the large logs in both of his hands.

“Have you been blinded permanently now, Thrain? Open your good eye and look at me for you know me.” Gandalf ordered as he lowered his staff and stared at Thrain.

There was a moment of silence before Thrain lowered his logs. “Gandalf the Gray, is that really you?” 

“It is, Thrain, and I am here with my friends.” Gandalf spread his arm out to gesture towards Bilbo and the elves. 

“Have you come to rescue me? I didn’t even think anyone knew where I was.” Thrain stared warily at the elves and then eyed Bilbo. Bilbo offered a small smile and tried to keep up with the conversation. He was quite confused as to who exactly this wild dwarf was and how he knew Gandalf.

“Well, actually, we didn’t know you were here. How did you happen to arrive on this planet?” Gandalf inquired.

“It’s been so long,” Thrain dropped one log to rub at his head. “I’ve been alone on this planet for longer than I can recall.” He stared at Gandalf. “It all started on the ship. When the orcs attacked, I begged of Thorin to hide after my father fell.”

“Thorin, you know Thorin?” Bilbo interrupted.

“Of course I know my son.” Thrain stared at Bilbo with more interest now. “Do you know my son?” Thrain turned his head curiously.

Bilbo didn’t know how to tell this strange dwarf that he knew Thorin quite intimately. “Yes, he’s on his way here actually.” 

“Thorin must not come here!” Thrain grabbed Bilbo by the vest and hulled him close to his face. Bilbo gagged at the terrible smell of Thrain. “He cannot come here!” Thrain insisted.

“Thrain, release Bilbo and continue your tale.” Gandalf prompted. Bilbo was thankful when he was freed and quickly retreated behind Gandalf.

“The orcs,” Thrain hissed. “They attacked and they took me hostage. The pale orc with no hand, he wanted to take his time killing me. They spent months taking their time with me, but then they handed me over to Smaug.”

“Smaug the Terrible? Smaug the nefarious pirate?” Legolas spoke up.

“Aye, must I repeat myself, elf?” Thrain snarled. “That blasted pirate took me as a form of payment from the orcs. But as soon as we landed on this planet I dashed off into the bush and I’ve stayed hidden ever since.” Thrain sounded triumphant. “He’s never tried to look for me, but he wouldn’t be able to find me even if he wanted to. I know this planet like the back of my hand.” Thrain held up his hand and then stared at it in wonder.

“Thrain, do you know where Smaug is?” Gandalf asked as he looked around. “Is he still here and still alive?” 

Thrain nodded eagerly. “I have no idea where he is.”

Legolas rolled his eyes. “The old dwarf is clearly mad.”

“I’ll show you mad, elf.” Thrain snarled.

“I’ll show both of you the back of my hands if you don’t shut your traps.” Gandalf grumbled. “Now get down or else we will have visitors far sooner than we are ready for them.”

They all dropped low to the ground as two more escape ships came down towards the planet. They flew overhead and passed by them without noticing their small group. Bilbo wondered if Dori and Ori were on those ships or if they remained on Tolkien.

“Are they more elves?” Thrain asked in a loud whisper.

“It is your family.” Gandalf explained as he stood up. “Thorin, Frerin, and your daughter Dis with her sons.”

Thrain stared at Gandalf, his one eye wide. “My children,” his mouth stood open for a moment. “My daughter has sons of her own now. How many decades have I been on this planet? How long have I been away from my family?”

“Gandalf, what should we do now?” Tauriel asked, looking between Gandalf and Thrain. “Should we take Thrain to the others and try to barter with Thorin for the return of Dori and Ori? Surely Thorin would be more reasonable if we reunited him with his father. He might then agree to share the gold with--”

“No!” Thrain screeched and picked up his logs in both hands once more. “Thorin must not get near the gold. Thorin must not come here! Smaug wants to end our line; he wants to see that all of Durin is dead!” Thrain hefted the logs and rushed through the bushes shouting “Thorin, Thorin!”

“We must stop him before he gives our position away!” Legolas cried and took off after Thrain.

“Legolas!” Tauriel looked alarmed as she chased off after him.

Bilbo and Gandalf were left staring at each other. “Well,” Bilbo sighed and motioned towards the mauled bush where the others had run through. “I suppose we have no choice now but to follow them?”

Gandalf sighed miserably and started through the bush at a much slower rate. They heard a loud crash and angry shouts. They arrived in time to find Legolas pinning Thrain to the ground while the dwarf held fistfuls of Legolas’ hair and Tauriel yelling at the both of them.

Bilbo placed his hands on his hips and stared at the group. “Will you stop behaving like children? What if the other dwarves show up while we’re like this? We’d be at their mercy if we don’t get prepared!”

“I think I like the thought of having you at my mercy.” Thorin stated as he stepped through the brush with the other dwarves trailing behind him. They were all armed with swords, lasers were pointed at them, and Kili even had his arrows at the ready. Dori and Ori were not among them and neither were Kimli, Oin, and Nori.

Thorin took in the scene but avoided meeting Bilbo’s eyes. “And who is that?” Thorin asked, gesturing with his sword at Thrain as he carefully wiggled out from under Legolas.

“Thorin,” Thrain spoke with awe in his voice. “Can that truly be you, lad? Look how you’ve grown.” 

“Da?” Frerin’s voice was shaky as he stepped in front of Thorin. 

Thrain smiled and reached a hand out. “Frerin, oh my little soldier.”

“Da!” Dis dropped her sword and ran to embrace her father. Frerin hesitated only a second before he joined in the moment. Thorin stood staring in disbelief before his eyes went over to Gandalf.

“Is this meant to be some trick?” Thorin accused. 

“Thorin, how can this be a trick?” Frerin asked as he rubbed at his eyes. “It’s Da; he’s here and alive.”

“I asked you to stay hidden below deck when the orcs boarded. When they took me as a prisoner, the pale orc kept cursing your name and I was proud to know you took his hand.” Thrain stared at Thorin and only then seemed to notice the metal arm. “But I see he left his mark on you as well.” 

Thorin frowned and wiggled his metal fingers. “If you are truly my father, then you can repeat the words you spoke to me on my last name day celebration on Erebor.”

“Your last name day celebration?” Thrain stared up into the air as a dazed smile split his face. “You had just seen your forty third summer. I told you in two more years you would officially be crowned and take on your initial roles as heir prince to Erebor.” Thrain squeezed Dis and Frerin’s shoulders. “I said you couldn’t use your power to put your siblings in time out and that you’d better enjoy your last few chances of skipping lessons to go drinking with Dwalin while you could.”

Thorin smiled and rushed to hug Thrain to his chest. Thorin was taller than his father and it felt disconcerting to be able to embrace his father so fully. Thorin had always remembered his father as a towering dwarf and not the small shell of a dwarf he was in that moment. But he had also thought that he would never speak with his father again. 

“This is a beautiful family reunion.” A voice so deep and loud suddenly seemed to come from everywhere at once. “I’d almost hate to break it apart.” Trees began to fall in the woods beyond them as the voice shook the ground. “But I finally seem to have visitors on my planet. Not just any visitors but the very line of Durin that I swore to see destroyed. How nice that your family may now all die together by my hands.”

A large figure pushed two trees aside with thunderous booms. The figure was taller than Gandalf with wings as wide as the sails of their ship. He towered over them and grinned with sharp teeth and shining red eyes. He wore clothes that shimmered and seemed to hold no clasps but be welded onto his very skin.

Even without ever seeing him before, Bilbo knew who this was. “Smaug,” he whispered as the pirate drew a flaming sword.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgot to mention but due to the holidays, the last three chapters will have to wait until this Friday. I will post chapter 8 on Friday, chapter 9 on Saturday, and then the last chapter on Sunday to finish it all up.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Smaug dies but Thorin and Bilbo are too busy talking to see it happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason this chapter wasn't posted yesterday was because I lost track of time playing video games with my friend. Sorry about that. But it works out better because this pretty much ended the story. Tomorrow will be the epilogue!

Smaug stared at them with his flaming sword, grinning like a lunatic. “Finally, I shall have my vengeance against Thror and end his line here and now. I have waited for this day ever since I sent out that map to lead whatever foolish dwarves found it. I will--”

Smaug was cut off when Legolas shot an arrow at his chest. What should have pierced his heart bounced off and landed by his feet. Smaug stared at the arrow and then bared his teeth. “How dare you! I was in the middle of a--”

“Charge!” Tauriel shouted and all the dwarves rushed at Smaug. Arrows and laser beams did nothing against the large pirate. The dwarves tried to tumble him to his knees but Smaug was unmovable and didn’t even seem to feel the swords against his legs. He seemed mildly annoyed by their actions but moreso upset that no one was listening to his prepared speech.

“Gandalf,” Bilbo rushed to the wizard. “How do we defeat something like that?” 

“Quick, Bilbo, use the map.” Gandalf ordered.

“What?” Bilbo stared at Gandalf as though he had lost his marbles. “The map? What can the map possibly do at a time like this?”

“The map, Bilbo, use it and follow it to Smaug’s hoard! You must hurry and find the black arrow! It’s the only way to kill Smaug.” Gandalf pushed Bilbo through the trees. “This is madness! Stop and retreat! We must fall back! Split up and run for it!” Gandalf yelled at the others as Bilbo hurried to open the map. 

The map blinked and came alive in Bilbo’s hands. It spun and swirled with colors before it snapped close. Bilbo stared at it with wide eyes and waited for something more to happen. The ground beneath his feet suddenly turned white and spread far out before him. Bilbo stared in wonder before he shook himself and began to run. He couldn’t waste any time wondering about what to do. He had to follow the path and find the black arrow like Gandalf had told him to do.

As he ran, Bilbo heard an angry scream behind him. He wondered if the others had heeded Gandalf’s words or not. He assumed the dwarves would continue to fight until they were crushed. He hoped he could be fast enough to get there and back again before that happened. 

“Bilbo!” Frerin and Kili suddenly appeared behind him. “Is this the path to the pirate’s hoard?” Kili asked.

“Yes, Gandalf told me to follow it and grab the black arrow. It’s the only thing that will work against Smaug!” Bilbo informed.

“Then there’s no time to waste!” Frerin decided and scooped Bilbo up into his arms, sprinting faster than Bilbo could have managed on the white path. Bilbo caught his breath as he allowed Frerin to carry him without a fuss. 

They traveled deep through the woods and across a large field of golden flowers. The white path stopped in the middle of the flowers and Frerin place Bilbo back on his feet. “Now what?” Kili asked, panting as he looked around. “I don’t see anything.”

Frerin was bent over and panting while he rested his hands on his knees. Bilbo held onto the map tightly as he looked around for a sign of what to do next. The map wouldn’t budge so he knew it was impossible to try and get it to open again. He stared at the ground but didn’t see anything amongst the flowers. He looked up and his eyes widened. 

“I think we need to get onto that floating platform.” Bilbo stated as he pointed at the platform far above his head. Kili and Frerin both looked up and then looked at each other. They nodded and both grabbed onto Bilbo’s legs. “Hey, what are you!”

“We’re going to toss you up!” Kili answered Bilbo’s unfinished question.

“Make sure you grab onto the platform because Thorin might kill us if you came back down and turned into a hobbit pancake.” Frerin smiled as they began to hoist Bilbo up. 

Bilbo rested his hands briefly on their shoulders for balance and bent his knees. “Ready?” Kili asked and Bilbo nodded. He tucked the map between his vest and shirt so that he could have both arms free and ready. “One, two, three!” 

Bilbo’s eyes widened and watered as he was hurled high up into the air, flapping his arms wildly with worry. He was actually thrown higher than the platform and managed to move so that he landed on it, knocking the wind from his chest when he fell. The map flew out of his shirt when he landed and rolled to the edge of the platform. Bilbo wheezed and reached out to grasp the map but it tumbled and fell to the ground.

“Bilbo, you’ll need the map!” Kili called out from below him.

Collecting his breath, Bilbo sat up and stared over the edge of the platform. “Mind tossing it back up?” Bilbo missed the first time it was thrown up but he caught it on the second toss. He found a small, round area carved into the platform and placed the map on it. The flowers began to glow and a large, triangular doorway opened before them.

They all stared in wonder at a planet that glowed red with hazy smoke. “Does anyone know where this doorway leads to?”

“Well, it doesn’t look like gold.” Kili called up to Bilbo.

“Very helpful,” Bilbo muttered to himself as he rolled his eyes. He looked down at the map and noticed that all of the circles had lit up. He put his hand on it and slowly pressed a different circle. The doorway closed and opened to reveal a bright green planet with different splashes of blues.

“Oh, that’s Rivendell!” Bilbo exclaimed happily. “Wait, but how is it showing Rivendell when Rivendell is so very far away.” He stared at the map again and then spun it slightly and pressed another button. The doorway revealed another planet that looked familiar but Bilbo couldn’t name.

“We passed that planet two days ago!” Frerin exclaimed. “Keep going, Bilbo, you’re getting closer to this planet.”

Bilbo spun the map only slightly and then pressed on it. The door did indeed show Treasure Planet but it still didn’t explain how to find Smaug’s hoard of gold. Bilbo stared down at the map and then pressed the same button and held it down. The doorway seemed to zoom on the planet and then into it, finally revealing a large pile of gold.

“Catch me!” Bilbo called down to the others and waited until both had their arms up and legs braced. Closing his eyes, Bilbo leapt down and was pleased to wind up in Frerin’s arms and not on the ground. “Thank you. Now, we need to find the black arrow.” They raced into the doorway and then came to a halt.

The room was much larger than Bilbo originally thought and there was more gold than he could even imagine. Frerin and Kili were both staring with their mouths open which Bilbo took as a sign that this was more than just Erebor’s gold. 

“How are we supposed to find a single black arrow in all of this?” Bilbo asked, cursing Gandalf in the back of his mind. 

Frerin had walked into the first pile of gold and sunk his hands into it. “Look at all of this gold.”

“Focus, Frerin! Or else the others will die before we can help them take down Smaug.” Bilbo shouted and even smacked the dwarf on the back of his head. He knew the smack wouldn’t do much damage, not with the way the dwarves went around and clanked their heads together.

It seemed to do the trick though because Frerin stood up and nodded at Bilbo with a serious expression of determination on his face. He had also taken two handfuls of gold and stuffed them into his pocket but Bilbo wasn’t going to be too judgmental at the moment.

Kili was already stomping through the gold piles and looking around for any signs of black amongst all the gold. “This could take ages! We might not even be able to find this black arrow in a hundred years!” He claimed drastically. “Oh, wait, never mind, I see it over there.” Kili slid down the pile and picked up the black arrow that was protruding from a smaller pile.

“Well, that wasn’t very hard after all. Now come on, let’s get back to Smaug and the others.” Bilbo started out from the hoard and back through the doorway. 

“Gandalf smacked all of us until we left Smaug. We split up into groups and ran into the forest. The others could be anywhere now and Smaug could have chased after any of us.” Frerin explained as they headed into the thick, yellow forest. 

“We know where Smaug is though. We just have to follow the destruction.” Bilbo pointed to where trees were falling over and listening to the resulted booms. 

“But we need to figure out where Tauriel is, or Legolas.” Kili argued.

Frerin glared at his nephew. “Why do we need to find the elves?”

“We have one black arrow; we have one shot at stopping Smaug. I may be the best dwarf archer, but I’d much rather trust an elf to use their skills.” Kili admitted.

“I have to agree.” Bilbo quickly stated before Frerin could start saying anything against elves. Bilbo was quite glad that the younger generation of dwarves didn’t seem to have such stigmas against elves. Perhaps there had been some good things caused by the dwarves being displaced throughout the galaxy. 

“Fine, we find the elves, and then we kill Smaug.” Frerin begrudgingly agreed. “Thorin is going to flip his lid; not killing Azog was one thing but now he won’t even have revenge against Smaug either.” 

“I really don’t think Thorin should complain as long as the bad guys are stopped.” Bilbo argued. 

Frerin opened his mouth just in time to emit a yelp as Legolas and Tauriel swooped down from the trees and joined their jogging pace. “Did you find the black arrow Gandalf was talking about?” Tauriel asked.  
Kili held it up and then tossed it to her. “You should fire it. You’re less likely to miss.” 

Tauriel nodded and then sprinted ahead of them towards Smaug. “Wait, I can’t miss this!” Frerin called out even as both elves continued. Frerin and Fili picked up their own pace and Bilbo was left behind, puffing and huffing.

He stopped for a moment to lean over his knees and tried to collect his breath. It didn’t seem like anyone cared if he was there or not to see Smaug fall. He didn’t really care to see it either as long as it happened in their favor. 

Thorin and Dwalin came bursting through the woods at that moment and stopped upon seeing Bilbo. Bilbo tried to straighten and look stern at Thorin, but he was still having difficulty gathering his breath and he also knew his face was probably bright red. Not exactly the image he wanted if he was going to be talking with Thorin again after the disaster on the ship.

“If,” Bilbo began pointing over his shoulder towards where the others went. “If you want to watch Smaug meet his end, you’d best head that way now.”

Thorin looked at Dwalin and tilted his head where Bilbo had indicated. Dwalin grunted an affirmative and ran after the others, leaving Thorin and Bilbo alone. Bilbo finally felt able to stand up straight again even though he still had to pant through his mouth. Thorin approached him slowly and Bilbo strengthened his resolve to not retreat back for every advancing step Thorin took.

“Our attacks were doing nothing against Smaug and it took Gandalf’s interference for us to realize it. He shielded us with his magic when Smaug finally attacked. The trees were scorched and the area surrounding us was destroyed. We would have died if we didn’t heed Gandalf’s words to break into pairs and flee.” Thorin had come to a stop a foot away from Bilbo. 

“I looked for you but you weren’t around and for a moment I feared you were caught in Smaug’s fire. I thought that due to Smaug’s vengeance against my family you died.” Thorin was visibly distraught as he spoke these words and he reached out to cup Bilbo’s face gently between his hands. His robotic arm felt nice against Bilbo’s heated cheeks. 

“I thought you dead with our last words being so angry with one another.” Thorin shook his head slowly. “I can’t have that, Bilbo. Nothing can be worth losing you. Before Gandalf informed us that he had sent you ahead to fetch the weapon that can kill Smaug, I could only think of how the gold wasn’t worth losing you.” 

“You’re such a stupid dwarf.” Bilbo stated as he stared into Thorin’s face. He smiled and wrapped a hand around his neck to pull his head dwarf for a kiss. Bilbo felt Thorin exhale against him as their lips met. He stroked his fingers through Thorin’s long locks.

The ground shook under them, making them break apart. Bilbo clung to Thorin as they both looked up as a loud, angry roar filled the air. When everything was still and silent once more, Thorin stared at Bilbo. “I think that would be Smaug being killed while we were making out.” 

“Are you upset that you missed his death?” Bilbo asked, watching Thorin carefully.

Thorin took a moment before he answered. “Smaug declared a war against my grandfather and all of his line. He murdered innocents that lived and worked for Erebor, causing all to flee for their own safety. He hired Azog to kill my family but only succeeded in killing my grandfather. I have been living my life as a poor dwarf for hire and faced discrimination due to my race and my arm. I was forced to become a pirate as the only line of work that would ensue me enough pay to feed my family and loyal friends. Smaug was responsible for all of this.” 

Thorin was still holding onto Bilbo despite the ground no longer shaking and now his hands became soft as they traveled up Bilbo’s arms. “I have also helped raise my two nephews alongside my sister and my brother. I have the most loyal group of friends that have saved my life and gone through everything with me. I have been reunited with my father. I now know that my greatest enemies are dead and no longer capable of hurting anyone else I care for ever again.”

Thorin smiled at Bilbo and Bilbo found himself smiling back. “I have found the love of my life, something that is worth more than a planet filled with treasure. I do believe that I am happy even if I was not the one to carry out the vengeance against Smaug.” 

“What about all the treasure?” Bilbo brought up.

“I will accept the share that the contractor of this journey deems worthy of giving to the crew. It is fair and it should still be enough to allow me to return to Erebor and start rebuilding our empire there.” Thorin conceded. 

“I am glad to hear you say so.” Bilbo beamed. “I was worried that you would become a very bad king if your thoughts were only on revenge and treasure. But now that you remember yourself, you should know that I certainly wasn’t planning on taking much gold for myself. I’m also quite sure that most of the others weren’t really interested either, especially not Legolas.”

“Why would the elf not want treasure?” Thorin asked, confused.

“You are not the only royal line traveling through space.” Bilbo admitted with a sly smile. “But I dare say all the treasure will go to you and your crew to help rebuild Erebor. The tricky part now will figure out how to transport it all because I’m almost certain that the core of this planet is filled with gold.” 

Thorin’s smile slowly dropped from his face. “Why would you have traveled so far if you never wanted to claim the treasure for yourself?” 

Bilbo shook his head. “I’m one of the richest hobbits back on The Shire. I really don’t need any gold. Before I realized that you were a traveling prince of your planet I was going to suggest you come live with me so I could take care of you for the rest of your life, if you were so inclined to do so.” Bilbo shrugged his shoulders as Thorin continued to stare at him.

“You wanted me to live with you for the rest of my life?” Thorin repeated.

“I figured that Dori and Ori would want to live with Nori now or perhaps Nori would move in with us. Still, I’m not a stranger to having a dwarf living with me.” Bilbo reached up to wrap both arms around Thorin’s neck. “Besides, you said it yourself; finding love is worth more than all the treasure in this planet. This is what I truly want to take away from this adventure.” 

“And so you shall.” Thorin declared with a grin. “After all, I do not know many others who would love a stupid dwarf like me.”

“All the better for me then,” Bilbo grinned back as they held each other until the others found them.


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all lived happily ever after because there were no battles involving five armies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the very end of this story that became 10K longer than I ever expected it to be! It was quite the adventure for me to work on and I loved writing for Pandamani.

After Kili retold the daring heroics of Tauriel’s swift fight against Smaug, they traveled over the planet searching for everyone. Once all were found and regrouped, Bilbo led the way to the treasure hoard. The dwarves were in awe and Bilbo became concerned that Thorin would change his mind. Fortunately, Thorin realized that there was enough gold for everyone to share.

The problem then turned to how to transport it back to Erebor. A few bad ideas later, Tauriel finally asked why they did not simply shrink the gold now and then unshrink it later once they were on Erebor.  
While most worked on shrinking and pocketing the gold, others went back to the Tolkien to explain the change of plans and also free Dori and Ori. They had actually already been freed and were playing cards with their captors, figuring that everything would be resolved without them. 

Once the gold was loaded, the ship got ready to sail back to the spaceport they originally came from. They weren’t intercepted by pirate orcs or trolls on their journey and yet it took longer to return than the original trip. It may have had something to do with the captain being distracted by a certain dwarf. It might have been due to the first mate being very distracted with a different dwarf when he was meant to be steering. If it was due to Dis and Frerin spending more time with their long lost father than their duties then that was forgivable. The fact that the ship’s hobbit was hardly anywhere to be found was just Bilbo’s natural skill at being small and overlooked. Thorin had no excuses and didn’t care to think of any to explain why he was always missing at the same time as Bilbo. 

When they reached the spaceport, the dwarves bought two ships for themselves with some of their gold. They hired another crew of dwarves that were apparently cousins of Thorin despite being mostly red heads with accents. Bilbo and Gandalf were the only ones to actually leave the Tolkien and return to The Shire. 

Dori, Ori, and Nori all promised to visit Bilbo after helping the initial rebuild of Erebor. Tauriel and Legolas also wanted to help as a show of good nature between dwarves and elves. They refused to admit it had anything to do with both Kili and Gimli being shot down by their mothers when they asked for permission to join as a permanent member of Tauriel’s crew.

Bilbo had been teary eyed when saying goodbye to Dori and Ori, yet his eyes were dry after saying farewell to Thorin. Everyone watched the two wearily but they merely kissed, smiled, and parted ways. 

Five months later, after Erebor was declared habitable again and dwarves were flocking onto the planet, Thorin arrived at Bag End. It had taken him a while to return to Treasure Planet and deconstruct Smaug’s portal door. After he had broken it down and learned how it worked, Thorin had rebuilt the door for his own personal use. He then installed it into the castle of his home on Erebor. 

He would continue to help his family rule Erebor and also keep the door open so that he could step over and visit with his boyfriend for lunch. Dori and Ori found nothing wrong with the arrangement and continued to help Bilbo run Bag End except they took nights off to spend time on Erebor with their brother or their boyfriends.

Gandalf was pleased that Bilbo’s adventure had worked out so well that the hobbit literally traveled across the galaxy every day to visit with Thorin and his other dwarf friends when the inn wasn’t busy. Gandalf also suggested that Thorin could sell the doors as a way to boost Erebor back to the top of the technology industry. He was surprised when Thorin refused to do so due to the numerous ways in which the portals could be handled wrongly. It seemed like having a hobbit around did wonders to cure a dwarf from his stupidity. 

So it was that the line of Durin slowly rebuilt Erebor into a mighty industrial planet once more. The dwarves lived on in peace and prosperity amongst themselves but were also more open to others than they ever were before. Everyone was happy but no one found themselves happier than Thorin and Bilbo on their wedding day, which was only one of the happiest days of their lives together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to follow me [on Tumblr](http://aloneindarknes7.tumblr.com/) to learn about future stories I have planned for the Hobbit.


End file.
